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The View
CBS Early Show
Politically Incorrect w/ Bill Maher
The Other Half
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
And also on...
KCBS KTLA
KABC UPN 13
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Why You Shouldn't Have Sex
(The answer might surprise you)
Hurrah! Hurrah! Free sex is here to stay. If you are a card-carrying member of the new millennium Girl Club, you are sexually active in an age where the double standard has all but disappeared. Unlike your grandmothers, you don't have to worry about getting a bad reputation. You've got access to birth control, so pregnancy isn't a concern. You've got your own apartment so privacy isn't an issue. And you've got the education and good sense to practice safer forms of sex. So, why not go for it?
At this point, you may be asking yourself why a forward-thinking woman like Wendy Walsh would write a column telling women NOT to enjoy the fruits of their bodies. After all, isn't that why we spend so much time on a stairmaster? Of course, physical attractiveness is one of the biggest motivations to exercise, and being physically attractive means you can gain access to many more kinds of delicious men.
But here are four important questions to ponder, my thinking woman friend: Is more necessarily better? Is a man who is delicious on the outside always so delectable on the inside? Is it possible to get so hung up on physicalattraction that a girl could lose sight of what constitutes a good Boyfriend? And finally, as women who are evolving spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, do we have a responsibility to protect men from themselves? The answers to those questions are No, No, Yes, and Sometimes. Allow me to explain.
First of all, know this -- in terms of a biological sex drive, men and women are wired very similarly. We all love sex. In this area we have much in common. Now, if, you believe that most women must have an emotional connection before having sex, and that most men act on physical desire alone, then you're reciting cultural conventions, not biological realities. Your thinking has been programmed by a culture that is still dragging along some pre-sexual revolution remnants. Your opinion may have been influenced by parents of the 1950's, the Catholic Church, an ethnic dogma that works well in the old country, or by schoolyard adolescents who called girls easy or frigid.
The bottom line: You too, can have great no-strings-attached sex. But SHOULD you? My simple answer is, not always. We are wired like men, but being liberated isn't about acting just like men. It's about being something higher.
Women Are Like Gentlemen
Who Know When To Keep It In Their Pants
Now when I speak about being something higher than our cultural perception of a Don Juan, I'm not talking about being prudish, virtuous, or about being a good girl. I'm talking about being a bad girl with boundaries. I'm talking about being a bad girl with feelings. I'm talking about learning to have great sex that not only produces an earth shattering orgasm but also verges on a spiritual experience. Let me get back to those four questions.
Question Number One:
Is more always better?
While I believe that a healthy dose of sexual experience is a great thing to cart into your next relationship, too much sex with too many partners doesn't make you any better at it, especially if your problem isn't sex, but intimacy. Intimacy is that strange and wonderful catch-word that describes emotional closeness, the ability to be honest, open, and vulnerable with another person. Too much unconscious sex only makes intimacy harder toachieve. Trust me. I've tried it. People used to tell me that I practiced sex like a man, and they were right. It was only when I learned to act like a gentleman that I began to get it right.
Question Number Two:
Is a man who is delicious on the outside always so delectable on the inside?
I know there is a resounding NO! being screamed at computer screens right now. We've all been there, girlfriends. Remember the major babe, Prince Charming who turned out to be a Frog after we kissed him? Of course, the sexual experience may still have been great, but getting back to that thinking-feeling-conscious-woman thing, I ask you this -- Was that yummy action between the sheets really worth the let down that you felt when you found out the guy was actually, married, a convict, a recluse, a gambler, a drug addict, a compulsive liar, a defendant in a paternity suit, a domestic abuser or a serial killer? So, my advice? Don't have sex. Take some time with it first. Do your guerrilla research and determine if this guy really deserves your Goddess-like sexual favors.
Question number three:
Is it possible to get so hung up on physical attraction that a girl could lose sight of what constitutes a good Boyfriend?
It sure is. We all know women who put looks at the top of their list of important boyfriend traits. Maybe you're one of them. I certainly used to be. Okay, I admit, it's a personal battle I struggle with everyday. But I'm getting better. Men's brains are becoming very sexy to me since surviving a string of hard bodies who were hard to live with. So, my advice when dealing with a major hunk of a date. Don't sleep with him! It'll cloud your judgment. Smart men learned this lesson a long time ago. Read: They don't forget the bikini model who got drunk and got them arrested.
Question Number Four:
As women who are evolving spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, do we have a responsibility to protect men from themselves?
Men are victims of this patriarchal culture too. Believe it or not, many men feel pressured to put out. They feel it's their duty to perform for every sexually liberated woman who will have them --- even if they don't really want to have sex. I know you may be groaning at that statement, but please believe me. Some men aren't even aware of the pressure they're under. Sure they recognize performance anxiety, but few really know when to say No tosex. It's your job to do it for them. Others are so emotionally attracted to you that they'll do anything to earn your favor. Sound familiar?
Think of a much older man who seduces a naive 18-year-old girl. There is a power imbalance there. She thinks she wants to have sex, but is this a fair emotional match? Men are sometimes like that young women when faced with a powerful liberated sexual woman.
Now think of any man who used the "L" word on you just to get you to have sex with him. Was that fair? So is it fair to use your sexually liberated self to get a man to give up the booty, when you know you might hurt his feelings later? Hell no. The first time a man accused me of playing him, I felt it was a badge of honor. I had attained full equity with the boys club. Now I'm embarrassed that I ever thought those club rules were valuable.
So, be responsible girlfriend. Protect the hearts of the nice guys out there. Believe me, men fall hard when their heart breaks. When in doubt, look to your higher self. Welcome to the club of Bad Girls who Think!
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If you really gave it some thought, would you say that you are a full-fledged Daddy's Girl or queen of the Girls Girls? On dates do you wear your best Barbie Doll outfit, or are you the proper Miss Priss?
Check out if you are really dateable or not.
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The Girlfriend Test is the ultimate guide to being a better date and a better mate. It is a chance for women to look at their own dating blunders on the road to commitment. |
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The BoyfriendTest is the definitive tool foir any woman intent on choosing the right man to be her best friend and lover. |
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"Well done, Ms. Walsh! Today I saw your entertaining interview on The Early Show, CBS. You convinced me - at the gym running on the treadmill facing the tv - to check out your website. Tired of narcissistic men (save me please from these assholes), I am planning now to buy your book. Very good interview, sister."
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