Monica Lewinsky “Feel in love with my boss, in a 22-year-old way.”

lewinskyToday, the world’s most famous White House intern spoke out about cyber bullying, calling herself patient zero, the first person to endure world-wide cyber bullying. You can see excerpts of her speech on CNN.com. To me, the most compelling thing about her talk wasn’t the part about bullying. It was hearing the mature voice of a thirty-eight-year-old woman describing an imbalance of power in a sexual dynamic.

Any woman who dodged an rite-of-passage bullet in her youth and avoided falling under the spell of a wise, mentoring older man, won’t understand what I’m about to tell you. Monica Lewinsky had no ability to say no. The age, income and power disparity between the recent college graduate and the fifty-two-year old leader of the free world was just too unfair. I don’t believe that all is fair in love and war. And Miss. Lewinsky was treated unfairly. She didn’t stand a chance in the face of coercion by a man more than twice her age whom no one said no to. Even if she hadn’t clouded the advances by her boss with feelings of love, I doubt that she would have been about to say no in the face of the social pressure to say yes.

Here’s what goes through a 22-year-old’s mind when her boss singles her out as his prized sex toy:

• Will I lose this internship if I say no?

• Does he really love me?

• This is the most exciting thing to happen to me in my entire life!

• He loves my body so I must be lovable.

• He told me his marriage is over. Why would he lie to me?

Sadly, Monica learned that the number one lie that men tell women is “I love you” to obtain sex. And short of that, there are many other lies men use to manipulate. When peer men play the game with peer women and she gets a broken heart, we may be incensed. But when a professional manipulator pulls one over on a young woman, that’s called a crime.

Does Monica Lewisky hold any responsibility at all? Of course she does. But be careful about throwing a stone before you consider the emotional, social and political shackles he held her in. Her share of the blame sure doesn’t deserve more than a decade of cyber bullying. Glad you got through it Ms. Lewinsky.

Here’s a video every 22-year-old woman can use:

WHY MEN DON’T FALL IN LOVE THROUGH SEX

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**** MEDIA ALERT – National Unity Day ****

Bg-unityDayPosterCNN Commentator Dr. Wendy Walsh Honoring Local Mother for Unity Day

Who: CNN commentator and America’s Relationship Expert Dr. Wendy Walsh
and Los Angeles mother Zoeie Durham.

What: Dr. Wendy Walsh will be honoring and interviewing Zoeie for National Unity
Day as part of Bullying Prevention Month. Zoeie Durham has been fighting for
her son, Zhenn, who has been severely physically and verbally bullied at his
school in Watts, California. He shared his personal story of being bullied in
the Kids in the House #EndBullying PSA (below). Eddie Lobo of The Friend
Movement will also be present to share his insights on how to find solutions to
bullying. Zhenn will also be surprised with merchandise from the WWE and may
also be surprised with a celebrity appearance. #NationalUnityDay

To watch the #EndBullying PSA please click HERE.

Where:
Kids The House Studio
1453 14th Street, Suite F
Santa Monica, CA 90404
(street parking available)

When:
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
2:30 PM – 3:30 PM

Media Contact: For more information about Kids In The House or the
#EndBullying campaign, please contact Katie Smith at
katie@kidsinthehouse.com or 310-899-6026.

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Dating Over Fifty – New Rules. Old Game.

Happy senior couple.Let’s face it, when ’til-death-do-us-part was invented, death was pretty imminent. As a result of our long lifespans, even the most monogamous humans (an estimated 50% of us) will find themselves replacing their mate once or twice during the lifespan. Probably the most vulnerable online daters are the greying hair set whose old rules for gender and dating are being eroded by new web-based practices. Dating over fifty can be tricky. So to help you out, here are a few gentle rules for attracting and keeping a new mate if you are dating over fifty:

1. Don’t cast a wide net. I know this sounds counter-intuitive. The whole point of the internet is that it helps you fish in a sea of mates you might not meet any other way. But that’s the problem. Hauling up an entire school of middle-of-the-road mates is not the way to find one great catch. Make your profile as individual and unique as you are. Stay away from naming brand names and posh vacation idea, nor over used hobbies like hiking. Instead talk plainly about your values as a human and your goals for a relationship. It is better to impress one perfect person that half-way interest a flock.

2. Be careful who you sleep with. While this is a great rule for anyone wanting to avoid sexually transmitted diseases (which, sadly are on the rise in the over fifty population who aren’t using condoms for fertility reasons) there’s another big reason to slow down the onset of first sex. It weeds out the liars. The biggest problem with online dating is that it puts players and non-players in the same dating pool and the best way for someone looking for a short-term relationship to obtain sex, is to pretend to want a longterm relationship.

3. Keep your wallet closed. It’s perfectly acceptable in the very early stages of dating to split the check these days, and once you establish who holds financial superiority, one person may share a bigger load. But avoid the scammers who present with medical bills and other woo-is-me problems that make you write a big check. Trust me, these people will disappear after they have the money.

4. Don’t DATE online, MEET online. Avoid getting into a lengthy email relationship before meeting. Those emails streams are filled with fantasies and the scammers will siphon enough personal information out of you to press all your emotional buttons later. Instead, meet quickly after saying hello, say for a quick coffee, and if you are both attracted then have the second date be the actual first date.

Dating over fifty can be a scary thing, but sticking to my suggestions will help you find a real relationship where you are loved and appreciated. If you’re wondering when to begin the onset of a sexual relationship, watch my video below to see what the research says:

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Love in Utopia

140905utopia2_300x206A Manhattan attorney, a polyamorous belly dancer and a mate-poaching bee keeper. You’re right. These are characters from a reality show. But perhaps the first ever reality show to actually be, well, real. On a never-before-seen scale, Fox is the first network to come good on TV’s promise to stage a social experiment. Utopia. It’s the real world meets the real world in some primordial past. Fifteen men and women living in complete isolation are expected, in post-apocalyptic fashion, to create a Utopian world out of nothing. They are alone except for the one-hundred and thirty hidden robotic cameras that make the Truman show look like child’s play.

But the big news has less to do with raw survival strategies and more to do with securing emotional lifelines. At the end of the day, Utopia has become a relationship show. (Duh! I could have called that.) When stressed, humans bond like banshees staving off fears of dying alone in the wilderness.

And this Friday’s episode stands to be an evolutionary psychologist’s dream study complete with mate-poaching, mate guarding, and extra-mate pairing — humans who think one relationship is never enough.

Front and center is the relationship between Manhattan attorney Mike, who is uncertain about his feelings about polyamory, that is, if it can ever really work, yet is in love with Dedeker who planted big good-bye kisses on her trio of lovers when she left for Utopia. Add to the complications, a hottie bee keeper named Jake who seems happy to share. Even though Mike and Dedeker have technically broken up over “philosophical differences” he spends his time licking his wounds while attempting to sabotage Jake’s next visit to Utopia. In mating strategy terms, that’s called male-to-male sexual competition.

If that’s not mainstream enough, there are other clinging humans on Utopia for relationship enthusiasts including:

• Bri (20, Veterinary Assistant) and Chris (26, Musician/Artist) – aka “Bris”, the first official couple of Utopia.

• Hex (25, Unemployed) and Taylor (23, Landscaper) – A 6’ Huntress and Calvin Klein model unite!

• Nikki (29, Doctor) and Cal (38, communal farmer) – Utopia’s newest relationship based on a “modest proposal”. This relationship plays heavily in Friday’s episode.

It seems when humans are left to their own devices, everything seems to boil down to the world biggest past-time — mating. Cal only recently arrived in Utopia and suggested to Nikki very early on that they enjoy one another’s company for the next year, pointing out that he has a “hall pass” from his communal wife outside.

Like I said, Utopia is just like the real world. Tune in this Friday night on Fox.

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Five Things to Ask Before Getting Back With An Ex

RUGBYU-6NATIONS-ENG-WALWhile there have been plenty of celebrity reunions after a break up — Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, and now Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas — the truth is usually not a fairy tale ending. Getting back with an ex can be dicey. But if your heart is pounding away for an old flame, here are a few questions to think about before plunging back in:

1. Will it be different this time?

The general wisdom is this: the best way to predict someone’s future behavior is to look at their past behavior. That applies to your ex as well as you. My suggestion? Don’t get back with someone if you are going to be the same person and react to them in the same way.

2. Are there rules for getting back with an ex?

There are never any rules. However, all relationships stand the best chance of success if couples discuss their true feelings and have the “what are we” conversation BEFORE they begin to have sex. If you’re not sure, then don’t get entangled in a sexual relationship with an ex, who may be part of another sexual petrie dish.

3. How soon should I replace an old flame?

Some people try to get over someone by getting under someone else. This can be a temporary salve. We are meant to learn something from every relationship. If you’re just replacing your partner with someone you’re going to repeat your patterns with, then this isn’t a good thing.

4. Could it have been a timing thing?

YES! Men and women tend to be on different time schedules in their relationships. Women commit when they’ve met the one. Men commit when they’ve hit state of readiness (education, financial, peer/family trends) and then they take pretty much whoever is up at bat. Also, men tend to have short term relationships with really hot women, but research shows that they choose women with slightly more masculine faces when considering a long term mate. Who wants to do all that mate guarding needed with a super-model? The best way to find out if your ex is really ready to commit this time around is to ask him or her, BEFORE you get involved again.

5. Is getting back together settling?

Settling? That’s the word that keeps so many people out of good-enough relationships that could sustain them. ALL RELATIONSHIPS involve compromising. All relationships involve letting go of the idea that there is a “perfect” person out there. Settling may mean finally getting out of your dream state and being realistic.

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