DNA Dating. Does it work?

Screen Shot 2015-04-10 at 11.04.58 AMCan your nose select a partner better than your heart? According to science, yes! The latest trend in dating is DNA Dating. Using a simple cheek swap siliva test, you can actually predict if you will have great sex and a long term, compatible relationship. The test is the brain child of a group of neuroscientists and geneticists in Toronto who are set to change the game of love. Their simple DNA test can help predict is a dating couple with have mad hot sex, a long relationship, better fertility and even healthier children. And it can help established couples understand their relationship better.

The test works like this: The magic genes identified by the Instant Chemistry test are the same ones that power our immune systems, and under normal dating conditions, women’s bodies are uniquely designed to pick up the scent and taste of a man who may be a good genetic match. They do this through close contact and kissing. It’s no wonder that women like to kiss more than men and couples who kiss a lot — presumingly because it is pleasurable — are linked to longer, more secure relationships.

Secondly, Instant Chemistry looks at the genes that surround serotonin up take in the brain, which indicate whether a person has wide or narrow mood swings. If two hot heads get together, relationships tend to be more rocky and can lead to break ups and divorce.

But today’s dating world is far from a “normal condition.” First of all, most women are on the birth control pill, creating hormonal changes that can gum up the ability to detect compatible immune systems in men. Secondly, since we modern humans practice such amazing hygiene and mask our smells with products, important pheromones are hidden. Finally, since we are exposed to a wide range of potential partners in crowded groups, it makes it harder to distinguish fit mates from not-so-great mates.

So today’s DNA Dating is a trend designed to reduce high divorce rates. Using solid mating science partners are choosing better, happier relationships. Would you like a DNA test with your partner? Go to InstantChemistry.com to find out more.

How to Think Yourself Happy

thinking christmas giftsI’m a weird hybrid of mindfulness and geeky science. I’m obsessed with human bonding but I wouldn’t dare “treat” a patience who has come down with a case of delusional love — the feelings are just too positive. Being mindful means learning to stop over thinking and trust the deeper human connection.

But…. I’m also practical. Sometimes you can think yourself happy. I do believe that using one’s intellectual mind when it comes to matters of the heart — especially the painful side of love — can be a great tool. As Sigmund Freud once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so forlornly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love.” And it is when we are dealing with unrequited love that a good brain can come in really handy. When it comes to emotional problems, I believe there are three ways that a good analytic mind can bring some relief.

1. Reframing – When all seems lost, a dose of logic can refocus the problem. Instead of pining after a lost love, our rational mind can remind us that the relationship wasn’t so great after all. Or, it can bring us hope that our next partner is the real love we’ve been waiting for. Reframing our problems in the work of the pre-frontal cortex, not the emotional brain.

2. Understanding the Sociology – Whether you are looking to find love or wondering whether divorce is on the horizon, understanding your own mate status in a given mating market is an intellectual exercise that can help you make good choices. For instance, a bumpy patch in your relationship, when you are young and living in a big city with plenty of available mates can more easily lead to a break up, than a boring patch in a longterm marriage in a mating market where most people are coupled up. Or, if you are a female college student (a place where there is currently an over supply of successful females) you might choose a loyal boyfriend over an exciting player because you can feel the partner crunch.

3. Recognizing Patterns – Break ups are great because they often provide us 20/20 vision of our past. It’s also a painful opportunity to assess what our role in the relationship conflict. When we start to look at our love life through the lens of a scientist, looking for patterns, we can see how we attract some familiar schema that somehow resemble our childhood. This is a great opportunity to do some personal work and get into better relationSHAPE for the future.

In my online workshop, The Psychology of Human Mating, I reveal the whole mating game board. Other relationship coaches may tell you how to make your next move, but it means nothing if you don’t understand the game. This is your chance to become empowered to find or keep the love you deserve.

You can sign up below:


Or, check out this video sneak peak:


Dr. Patti Britton: A Sex Positive Coach

Dr. Patti ImageI know. Who really sees a sexologist, right? Apparently plenty of people. I mean, if there are doctors for our mental health, our nutrition, our physical health, why not a doctor who specializes in our sexual health. That’s why I invited pioneering sexologist and sex coach, Dr. Patti Britton to join the  Love Lab LIVE! (Santa Monica, April 18th.) At the show you’ll be able to ask Dr. Brittain anything about sex, but here’s a sneak peak at her specialty.

DR. WENDY: As a sexologist, what would you say your most important role is?

DR. PATTI: I hold the space for my clients to discover who they truly are as sexual beings. I like to call it “Sexual Self Realization.” I am a clinician, coach, educator, trainer, speaker and advocate for positive sexuality. What I love most is coming from the sexological perspective: sex positive, client-driven, depathologizing, empowerment-based, whole person centered, seeing the center of a person’s life–the sexual component– like a bulls eye in which when they heal the sexual patterns, they heal the whole self, and embracing what is; we don’t ever get rid of parts of ourselves we learn to manage them. I work primarily in a modality I created, known as MEBES: Mind, Emotions, Body/body image/behaviors, Energy and Spirit.

DR. WENDY: What is the most common sexual problem presented in your practice?

DR. PATTI: I work with over 46 different sexual concerns, but I like to specialize in these four: Older virgin males; sexless couples; pre orgasmic women and Boomers. I host an Internet radio show with my partner, Dr. Robert Dunlap, co founder of Sex Coach University, known as “TheBoomDoctors.com” where we talk about all things related to the lives of Boomers, including sex.

DR. WENDY: If there is only one thing that a couple can do to improve their sex lives, what would that be?

DR. PATTI: Touch. I find that most people are touch deprived; sex is more than just mechanics and sometimes moving into sensual touch is the key for reconnecting with their own sexual expression. I wrote an Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage in which I talk about the Touch Continuum, and deconstruct for clients and students how important is touch and what those 5 different types and levels of touch mean. I’ll have more to say, at Love Lab LIVE!

DR. WENDY: Dr. Patti will be taking your question live at Love Lab LIVE! on Saturday, April 18th at The EDYE Theater in Santa Monica, California. Get your tickets here.

Dr. Adam Sheck: Wisdom from the Passion Doctor

UnknownOne of the interesting things about my upcoming Love Lab LIVE! show (Saturday, April 18th, Santa Monica) is that there is something for couples and singles alike. While there are more single people than married folks in America today, most singles eventually couple up. And there is evidence to suggest that the divorce rate has been steadily declining because people are waiting longer and choosing carefully. Once they do marry, couples continue to focus on improving their marriage. That’s why I invited the passionate and innovative couples therapist. Dr. Adam Sheck to join me at Love Lab LIVE! Known as “The Passion Doctor,” Sheck is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist and works miracles with couples in crisis. Recently I interviewed Dr. Sheck.

DR. WENDY: What is an Imago Relationship Therapist and how does it work?

DR. SHECK: Created by Harville Hendrix, author of Getting The Love You Want, Imago Relationship Therapy  can help both couples and singles.“Imago” is Latin for “image” and refers to a jigsaw puzzle of a picture in our unconscious. That image might include major character traits and behaviors of a client’s childhood primary caretakers (usually Mom and Dad). Without realizing it, we are drawn to our “Imago match,” who is like these caretakers in emotionally powerful ways. The stronger the Imago match, the stronger the early chemistry between a couple. Within the committed romantic relationship, we often recreate our childhood psychological dynamics in an effort to heal our basic childhood wounds. The process of IRT transforms the relationship into a therapeutic encounter to be used as fuel for each partner’s psychological and spiritual growth and healing.

DR. WENDY: What is the most common relationship problem that people present at your office?

DR. SHECK:  They fall into automatic patterns and suffer a loss of connection, which leads to loss of intimacy (emotional and physical) and loss of passion.

DR. WENDY: If there was only one thing you want every couple to know (learn) about their marriage, what would it be?

DR. SHECK: Get out of your head, get into your heart and connect. Do whatever you did during the courtship and feel THAT way again.

DR. WENDY: Good advice! You can ask Dr. Sheck questions in person at Love Lab LIVE! in Santa Monica, on April 18th, 2015. Buy your tickets here.

Evan Marc Katz: How Men Think About Love

Evan Marc KatzLove Lab LIVE! (April 18th, Santa Monica) is for couples, singles, men and women alike. For the singles in the audience, I have a special treat. Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz will be there. I invited him because of his unique perspective on men’s psychology. He teaches women how men think when it comes to courtship and commitment.

Recently, I interviewed Evan Marc Katz:

DR. WENDY: What is the number one thing that women don’t understand about male psychology?

EVAN: I find that women underestimate how much men want to be appreciated, admired and accepted. Or, the simple fact that men want to please a woman and are frustrated when we’re told we’re failing.

DR. WENDY: I think that certainly applies to both genders. I think a relationship is a home for the heart where one should feel loved and appreciated. Maybe because of all the intense competition that goes on between the sexes in the workplace, woman sometimes forget (or are too insecure) to turn it off at the daring table. Evan, what are the biggest differences between male and female mating strategy?

EVAN: I don’t think they should be all that different, nor that strategic. In my opinion, everyone should strive for a relationship with a 7 chemistry and 10 compatibility, instead of blindly being drawn towards the 10 chemistry, and settling for a 3 compatibility.

DR. WENDY: I agree. Sometimes this so called “chemistry” is actually attachment anxiety. Our early life traumas often lead us back to the scene of the crime in adult life and our sexual “high” or butterflies in our stomach are sometimes an indication that this person is WRONG for us.

EVAN: I see that often in my practice, Dr. Wendy. And I’d like to add to that I believe that both men and women should understand that the best partners have three qualities: lack of neuroticism/insecurity, lack of seeking novelty, and general agreeableness.

DR. WENDY: From a psychological perspective all those things boil down to a lack of self love. I always tell people we can’t expect anyone else to love us unless we love ourself first. Evan, if there is only one thing that you want every woman to know about relationships, it is…..

EVAN: Good relationships are easy. If it’s not easy, it’s not that good.

DR. WENDY: Well said Evan. I’ll see you at Love Lab LIVE! on April 18th. Buy tickets here!