The latest reports on the Tiger Woods saga/drama are that wife, Elin has just returned from visiting with her share-the-wealth hubby in sex rehab. And now she has decided NOT to file for divorce. While America is screaming, “TAKE THE MONEY, ELIN!” I would like to take this opportunity to personally congratulate her. It is a brave woman who attempts to save her marriage and her family in this situation. Not only were his transgressions particularly damaging and hurtful, but she has enormous cultural pressure to leave. We now seem to live in a culture that prefers quick, profitable divorces over the bittersweet emotional work of salveging a marriage. Somehow, a virtuous few think the only sane route for her is to pack up and cash the check.
But before you think I am the champion of weak women who are too afraid to march out as single mothers, please allow me to remind of two small facts — the kids. I don’t have to remind you that children do better emotionally, academically, and financially within the circle of an intact, two-parent household. While we single mothers are doing our best and indeed there are plenty of involved divorced fathers, the statistics do not favor them. According to the Strengthening Families Act of 2003, “Nearly 24 million children in the United States, or 34 percent of all such children, live apart from their biological father. Forty percent of children who live in households without a father have not seen their father in at least one year, and 50 percent of such children have never visited their father’s home.”
Last night I saw a public service announcement by our president, Barack Obama, encouraging men to be better fathers, to devote the time necessary to help kids thrive. Is this where we have come? When a TV commercial is needed to get men to pay attention to their kids???
Finally, should you be concerned that a negative message might be sent to the children by welcoming back a philanderer — a platinum level lathario at that — please be assured that the children are quite young and their primary narcissism will protect them from knowing about or having to understand this mess. The biggest lesson the kids may get from all this? That people can change, that forgiveness is necessary in love relationships, and that Daddy loves them. Most of all, keeping Daddy at home is the biggest gift of their mother’s love. Elin, on behalf of your vulnerable angels, thank you for taking a big step toward repair. May the force be with you!
Tags: Elin Woods, Tiger Woods
Well balanced and thoughtful…A balanced analysis of fact, statistics, experienced parenthood, and empathy. Your wealth of experience and spirit, putting principle before payoff, is something that eludes both genders when affairs of love and family are concerned.
Love ya man!!!!!!
TK Hansford
Interesting, I’d anticipated the “Once a Cheater-Always a Cheater” refrain and the brief discussion on the involvement of fathers seems at odds to your comments about the Single Mother’s support group.
I wonder if the psychologists “treating” Tiger pointed out to Elin that staying would help him “heal”?
I think she should stay with him, he made some major mistakes, but don’t we all in some way or another? I am all for divorce if there is abuse going on, but otherwise I think people should try to maintain the family unit when there are kids involved. Society is increasingly placing less value on intact families. This tends to multiply, if you are from a divorced family you are more likely to get divorced yourself. The kids are the ones who suffer, and society in general, because the more divorce the more problems for kids in terms of poverty, teen pregnancy, crime, etc. NO ONE IS PERFECT – if he is a decent guy give him another chance for the kids sake and for the sake of society in general.