This morning I sat up straight when I heard an NBC reporter referring to the divorce announcement by former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper, as a marriage that “failed.” How could forty years of supporting each other, raising children, surviving grueling political campaigns, and welcoming grandchildren, be called a failure???? If that’s a failure, I can only imagine what the rest of our relationships could be called!
In truth, back when the “til death do us part” section of the marriage contract was inserted (some say in Ancient Greece) death itself was pretty imminent. Life expectancy was short. Plagues and war took many lives and nearly 50% of women died in childbirth. So promising to stay together until death was a fairly safe bet.
Today serial monogamy trumps lifelong unions, and for good reason. We live a whole lot longer. The qualities required of a partner to say, get us through college and embark on a career, or to have a stint of child raising, or entertain a peaceful retirement may be quite distinct, that is, we may choose someone entirely different for each of those tasks. I am only of the opinion that a marriage should last as long as the projects it creates, thus, until the kids are raised or the house reno is complete.
Now having said that, do I believe that too many couples today throw in the towel way too early? Yes. Too many people bail when sexual feelings and romantic fantasies give way to the hard work and boredom of long term monogamy. Or they simply have so few relationship tools that divorcing feels like the only option. These couples have much to learn.
But this is not the case with the Gore’s. They have done their learning and ridden out the bumps. They should be popping champagne to celebrate. They had a forty year successful marriage. Here’s to your next relationships, Al and Tipper!
Tags: Al Gore, Gore Divorce, Tipper Gore
Yes, 40 years together is a Success, people do grow apart, it takes courage to follow the path, that feels right, it takes courage to go on your separate ways after 40 years. Wendy, you have such a great insight to life.
depends on how you define success and failure. if you only simply equate longevity to success, then 40 years can been seen as a “success.” however, if the 40 years are ridden with loveless tales and a facade of gold paved road, and that you wanted to get out of the marriage long ago, but was afraid to do so..then, perhaps it is not so successful… so your blog heading, “a forty year marriage is never a failure”, can be argued. In some cases, it can be…From, another psychologist.