Watching Joran Van der Sloot’s mother on Good Morning America today I was struck by both her openness and her avoidance. She apologized to the family of Stephanie Flores and expressed sadness about that family’s loss, yet she also demonstrated a kind of flat emotion common to people suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.) No doubt the woman has been subjected to some serious traumatic stress – her husband died suddenly in February and four months later, her eldest son is arrested and confesses to murder in Peru. Not a good year for any mother.
One of the most common reactions to acute emotional pain is a kind of shutting down of emotional processes. It’s nature’s way of protecting the brain from deep psychic pain that could lead to dangerous behavior. And this phenomenon is evident here.When Joran’s mother was asked about how she felt when she first heard the news that a dead woman was found in her son’s hotel room, her response was classic:
“I was complete shut. Numb. No feelings. Numb.”
Most illustrative of her need to avoid more pain right now was her admission that she will not visit her son in prison:
“I’m not going to visit Joran in Peru. I don’t have any feeling that it can add up to anything. I want to keep distance. I think it will bring emotions up that I’m not ready for. I’m not a police officer. I’m a mom.”
Then she goes on to imply that her son is suffering from a mental illness and suggests it is bi-polar disorder. While critiques may imply that she is helping to set up a legal defense based on insanity, I see a mother who is at wits end. It makes me think about other mothers who have been unable to get mental health services for their children, either because of cost or because the children are over eighteen and can decline help.
Here is America, we place so much emphasis on individual rights and freedoms that we do not forcibly hospitalize or medicate anyone unless they are an immediate threat to themselves or someone else. The problem with this liberal and well intended law is that many mentally ill people do not have the capacity to make these decisions for themselves. The mothers of mentally ill young adults often watch in horror as the child whom they have loved and nurtured for eighteen years becomes lost on the streets as homeless person because they refuse medication. Joran Van der Sloot had the financial where-with-all to get lost on the streets of the world and let his mental illness run the show. My heart grieves for this mother. She’s dealing with two losses in four months, and the public shame that comes from those who make motherhood a pathology.
Great article