It’s kind of funny that when people have relationship problems, they tend to spend a lot of time blaming. Blaming their partner. Blaming their parents for divorcing and leaving no roadmap for conflict. Blaming the internet for enticing a cheater. Even blaming themselves for “falling” for a non-compassionate partner. Blaming. Blaming. Blaming.
But, what if I told you that no one is to blame? Ever. What of I told you that relationships are really the mind’s jungle gym, a work out for your awareness, and that no one can fail at a work out.
I will tell you this: Every relationship that you’ve ever been involved in, your mind chose. On some conscious or unconscious level you chose a partner to grow with, and more importantly, you chose to believe the script that the two of you lived out. And, in plenty of cases you chose your worse fear, just to see if you could survive that. The mind is a funny thing.
So you entered your mind’s gym — your relationship — you suited up (maybe even in a bridal gown or tuxedo) and you dove in deep. Except the gym’s instruction manual was a tad tattered. You tried your friends advice, you tried your parents’ way, you even tried some of Dr. Wendy’s “tips.” But still you couldn’t get that partner to behave in the way that matches your relationship schema. You had relationship problems. And, it sure didn’t feel the way you had envisioned your perfect relationship would feel. Okay, so that’s normal. But let me ask you one thing?
Did you grow?
Your workout in the mind’s gym isn’t designed to bring you bliss. There’s no pain without gain. Relationships aren’t a spa! They are a character stretcher that can build a stronger sense of awareness, beef up your compassion, and create rock hard intuition. Do you know yourself better now? Maybe you caught a glimpse at how you trigger those very behaviors you abhor in your partner. Maybe you realized that you fell in love with superficial things that don’t nurture your soul.
But what you didn’t do is only imagine the best. You probably didn’t reward yourself with the idea that a good enough partner in a good enough relationship can bring joy, contentment, and feelings of security. You also may have spent way too much time judging them and trying to get her him or her to behave in a certain way, instead of loving the best parts of your partner. Or, you simply learned that you will choose different next time. Oh, then you’ll enter a whole new gym. Enjoy the work out.
DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.
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