Category Archives: For Men

DNA Dating. Does it work?

Screen Shot 2015-04-10 at 11.04.58 AMCan your nose select a partner better than your heart? According to science, yes! The latest trend in dating is DNA Dating. Using a simple cheek swap siliva test, you can actually predict if you will have great sex and a long term, compatible relationship. The test is the brain child of a group of neuroscientists and geneticists in Toronto who are set to change the game of love. Their simple DNA test can help predict is a dating couple with have mad hot sex, a long relationship, better fertility and even healthier children. And it can help established couples understand their relationship better.

The test works like this: The magic genes identified by the Instant Chemistry test are the same ones that power our immune systems, and under normal dating conditions, women’s bodies are uniquely designed to pick up the scent and taste of a man who may be a good genetic match. They do this through close contact and kissing. It’s no wonder that women like to kiss more than men and couples who kiss a lot — presumingly because it is pleasurable — are linked to longer, more secure relationships.

Secondly, Instant Chemistry looks at the genes that surround serotonin up take in the brain, which indicate whether a person has wide or narrow mood swings. If two hot heads get together, relationships tend to be more rocky and can lead to break ups and divorce.

But today’s dating world is far from a “normal condition.” First of all, most women are on the birth control pill, creating hormonal changes that can gum up the ability to detect compatible immune systems in men. Secondly, since we modern humans practice such amazing hygiene and mask our smells with products, important pheromones are hidden. Finally, since we are exposed to a wide range of potential partners in crowded groups, it makes it harder to distinguish fit mates from not-so-great mates.

So today’s DNA Dating is a trend designed to reduce high divorce rates. Using solid mating science partners are choosing better, happier relationships. Would you like a DNA test with your partner? Go to InstantChemistry.com to find out more.

How to Think Yourself Happy

thinking christmas giftsI’m a weird hybrid of mindfulness and geeky science. I’m obsessed with human bonding but I wouldn’t dare “treat” a patience who has come down with a case of delusional love — the feelings are just too positive. Being mindful means learning to stop over thinking and trust the deeper human connection.

But…. I’m also practical. Sometimes you can think yourself happy. I do believe that using one’s intellectual mind when it comes to matters of the heart — especially the painful side of love — can be a great tool. As Sigmund Freud once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so forlornly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love.” And it is when we are dealing with unrequited love that a good brain can come in really handy. When it comes to emotional problems, I believe there are three ways that a good analytic mind can bring some relief.

1. Reframing – When all seems lost, a dose of logic can refocus the problem. Instead of pining after a lost love, our rational mind can remind us that the relationship wasn’t so great after all. Or, it can bring us hope that our next partner is the real love we’ve been waiting for. Reframing our problems in the work of the pre-frontal cortex, not the emotional brain.

2. Understanding the Sociology – Whether you are looking to find love or wondering whether divorce is on the horizon, understanding your own mate status in a given mating market is an intellectual exercise that can help you make good choices. For instance, a bumpy patch in your relationship, when you are young and living in a big city with plenty of available mates can more easily lead to a break up, than a boring patch in a longterm marriage in a mating market where most people are coupled up. Or, if you are a female college student (a place where there is currently an over supply of successful females) you might choose a loyal boyfriend over an exciting player because you can feel the partner crunch.

3. Recognizing Patterns – Break ups are great because they often provide us 20/20 vision of our past. It’s also a painful opportunity to assess what our role in the relationship conflict. When we start to look at our love life through the lens of a scientist, looking for patterns, we can see how we attract some familiar schema that somehow resemble our childhood. This is a great opportunity to do some personal work and get into better relationSHAPE for the future.

In my online workshop, The Psychology of Human Mating, I reveal the whole mating game board. Other relationship coaches may tell you how to make your next move, but it means nothing if you don’t understand the game. This is your chance to become empowered to find or keep the love you deserve.

DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.

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WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT LOVE AND SEX? GET 50% OF MY ONLINE WORKSHOP “THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN MATING” USE PROMO CODE “LOVE 50” CLICK HERE

 

 

Dr. Patti Britton: A Sex Positive Coach

Dr. Patti ImageI know. Who really sees a sexologist, right? Apparently plenty of people. I mean, if there are doctors for our mental health, our nutrition, our physical health, why not a doctor who specializes in our sexual health. That’s why I invited pioneering sexologist and sex coach, Dr. Patti Britton to join the  Love Lab LIVE! (Santa Monica, April 18th.) At the show you’ll be able to ask Dr. Brittain anything about sex, but here’s a sneak peak at her specialty.

DR. WENDY: As a sexologist, what would you say your most important role is?

DR. PATTI: I hold the space for my clients to discover who they truly are as sexual beings. I like to call it “Sexual Self Realization.” I am a clinician, coach, educator, trainer, speaker and advocate for positive sexuality. What I love most is coming from the sexological perspective: sex positive, client-driven, depathologizing, empowerment-based, whole person centered, seeing the center of a person’s life–the sexual component– like a bulls eye in which when they heal the sexual patterns, they heal the whole self, and embracing what is; we don’t ever get rid of parts of ourselves we learn to manage them. I work primarily in a modality I created, known as MEBES: Mind, Emotions, Body/body image/behaviors, Energy and Spirit.

DR. WENDY: What is the most common sexual problem presented in your practice?

DR. PATTI: I work with over 46 different sexual concerns, but I like to specialize in these four: Older virgin males; sexless couples; pre orgasmic women and Boomers. I host an Internet radio show with my partner, Dr. Robert Dunlap, co founder of Sex Coach University, known as “TheBoomDoctors.com” where we talk about all things related to the lives of Boomers, including sex.

DR. WENDY: If there is only one thing that a couple can do to improve their sex lives, what would that be?

DR. PATTI: Touch. I find that most people are touch deprived; sex is more than just mechanics and sometimes moving into sensual touch is the key for reconnecting with their own sexual expression. I wrote an Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage in which I talk about the Touch Continuum, and deconstruct for clients and students how important is touch and what those 5 different types and levels of touch mean. I’ll have more to say, at Love Lab LIVE!

DR. WENDY: Dr. Patti will be taking your question live at Love Lab LIVE! on Saturday, April 18th at The EDYE Theater in Santa Monica, California. Get your tickets here.

DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.

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WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT LOVE AND SEX? GET 50% OF MY ONLINE WORKSHOP “THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN MATING” USE PROMO CODE “LOVE 50” CLICK HERE

How to Make Someone Love You

frustrated young business manIt’s the email I get at least ten times a week, from a man or a woman or a teen or even an elderly person. It’s written from the place of a broken heart, because the object of their desire isn’t paying attention to them or has severed relations with them all together. And their email always ends the same similar way, “How to I make someone love me?” or “How do I win them back?”

They want me to wave a relationship expert wand and assign a few magical words to bring them perfect love and heal their broken heart. But I never do. Instead I ask the writers of those emails to swallow a bitter pill and trust me. Here is the bitter pill: Someone else’s love is never a replacement for self love.

When you are longing, you have lost a connection with your own deepest wisdom. You’ve probably gotten out of touch with nature, and family, and deep trusted friendships, and instead are wallowing in the fantasy that love from one specific person will solve it all. And it will. Though, not for long.

How do you make someone love you? Easy. Replace the “someone” with YOU. I know. It sounds trite and pop-psyche, this idea of self love, but it really is the most important love you will ever attain. When you are filled up with confidence, and self-respect, and self-acceptance, your behaviors toward every living thing will become increasingly positive and loving. You will be able to release anger toward those who have wronged you, and forgive them. You will look into the eyes of a neighbor and ask his first name. You will become active in your community, all for good. You will be calmer in a traffic jam. You will stop more often to hear birds singing and the wind filtering through leaves. You will find peace.

And then love will find you. It may not come from the source or soul where you once hung your anxious hat. It may not even come from a romantic relationship. But if you are truly, deeply, honest and calm and in love with the imperfection that is your own humanity, love will find you. I promise.

DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.

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WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT LOVE AND SEX? GET 50% OF MY ONLINE WORKSHOP “THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN MATING” USE PROMO CODE “LOVE 50” CLICK HERE

WATCH MY VIDEO: HOW TO FORGIVE SOMEONE

 

Your Mind Can Fix Your Relationship Problems

Unhappy young couple having an argumentIt’s kind of funny that when people have relationship problems, they tend to spend a lot of time blaming. Blaming their partner. Blaming their parents for divorcing and leaving no roadmap for conflict. Blaming the internet for enticing a cheater. Even blaming themselves for “falling” for a non-compassionate  partner. Blaming. Blaming. Blaming.

But, what if I told you that no one is to blame? Ever. What of I told you that relationships are really the mind’s jungle gym, a work out for your awareness, and that no one can fail at a work out.

I will tell you this: Every relationship that you’ve ever been involved in, your mind chose. On some conscious or unconscious level you chose a partner to grow with, and more importantly, you chose to believe the script that the two of you lived out. And, in plenty of cases you chose your worse fear, just to see if you could survive that. The mind is a funny thing.

So you entered your mind’s gym — your relationship — you suited up (maybe even in a bridal gown or tuxedo) and you dove in deep. Except the gym’s instruction manual was a tad tattered. You tried your friends advice, you tried your parents’ way, you even tried some of Dr. Wendy’s “tips.” But still you couldn’t get that partner to behave in the way that matches your relationship schema. You had relationship problems. And, it sure didn’t feel the way you had envisioned your perfect relationship would feel. Okay, so that’s normal. But let me ask you one thing?

Did you grow?

Your workout in the mind’s gym isn’t designed to bring you bliss. There’s no pain without gain. Relationships aren’t a spa! They are a character stretcher that can build a stronger sense of awareness, beef up your compassion, and create rock hard intuition. Do you know yourself better now? Maybe you caught a glimpse at how you trigger those very behaviors you abhor in your partner. Maybe you realized that you fell in love with superficial things that don’t nurture your soul.

But what you didn’t do is only imagine the best. You probably didn’t reward yourself with the idea that a good enough partner in a good enough relationship can bring joy, contentment, and feelings of security.  You also may have spent way too much time judging them and trying to get her him or her to behave in a certain way, instead of loving the best parts of your partner. Or, you simply learned that you will choose different next time. Oh, then you’ll enter a whole new gym. Enjoy the work out.

DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.

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WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT LOVE AND SEX? GET 50% OF MY ONLINE WORKSHOP “THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN MATING” USE PROMO CODE “LOVE 50” CLICK HERE