Archive for the ‘Breast Feeding’ Category

Breastfeeding is not Creepy. Think Like a Woman!

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Our highly sexualized culture has gone too far when women (read: nature’s nurturers) are claiming that breastfeeding is gross. When women begin talking like men in terms of sexuality and defile their own bodies then you know that this third-wave of feminism hasn’t done much to truly liberate femininity. Instead we have colluded with the boys club to masquerade as an equal. This is not equality. Sexualizing our breasts is fine. Breasts are beautiful. But enslaving breasts to all things sexual and sentencing them to a life without maternal power is sad, servitude to all things male.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here are the facts that have me ranting over my morning coffee today.

Recently Kathryn Blundell, the editor of a leading British parenting magazine, Mother and Baby, wrote an editorial entitled  I formula-fed. SO WHAT? . In it, she said breastfeeding is creepy and called breasts “fun bags” and continued with “seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.”

And, on this side of the pond, that wise, sage Kim Kardashian — whose own boobs are limited to working the night shift –  tweeted this to her fans: “ew, some woman has her boobies out, she should cover up, yuck, blech, ugh”

I understand that eyebrows get raised by this public display of this natural beauty, for I once staged a research study for my psychology dissertation on breastfeeding and romantic attachment. While interviewing nursing mothers I learned that one of the most common reasons that women quit breastfeeding is embarrassment about nursing in public. All over Europe, paintings and statues of the Madonna (the real one, not the one who Vogues) depict her nursing, yet our American culture still can’t get past the idea that breasts are more than sexual objects.

The sexualization of the breast had very early beginnings. Back in our evolutionary past, when humans got up off all fours and became bipedal, women evolved to grow larger breasts for sexual attraction. Now that we were upright, our lovely derrieres couldn’t be seen from our front side, so breasts got bigger as a kind of, ahem, yes, frontal tushy. Men liked the view on both sides now, and all our lovely orbs signaled our fitness to reproduce.

But for hundreds of thousands of years, breasts still had a day job, and the sight of a nursing woman was commonplace in all cultures around the world. For millions of years, up until 1932, every human being was breastfed by their mother, auntie, or wet nurse. It was how humans survived before infant formula. During World War II, when women were needed in factories to build weapons, mostly male pediatricians convinced women that this new product made from whey (a cheese by-product) was better than human milk. It also allowed women to leave their babies for longer periods. Anyone who has nursed a newborn knows that feeding schedules are based on a child’s needs, not a clock. And, sometimes their need is to just suckle and be comforted, so working full-time is possible, though tough.

Even though breastfeeding is on the rise today, it is in an uncomfortable race with racy messages. Sexy women are hot. MILF’s are hot. Women who nurse are creepy. Fortunately, our increasingly sexual media is co-mingled with a powerful chant of a growing body of women who still think like women. Women who know that breastfeeding contributes to healthy attachments and good health all around. Women like, Bettina Forbes, who co-founded “Best for Babes” a group that normalizes breastfeeding and shows that nursing moms can be powerful, sexy, glamorous, and nurturing all at the same time. Thousands of women follow her on facebook and are the what I like to call, the real feminists.

When women hate the natural function of own bodies, they need to stop and think. Whose sentiments are being recycled? I’ll tell you who. Those of a dying, patriarchal culture whose boys club would prefer that you enslave the boobs to them.

And here’s some news to throw back in the face of anyone who thinks that breasts are only “fun bags.” According to one of my all-time favorite studies, guess which kind of woman is most likely to choose to breastfeed? The woman who is most comfortable with sex, erotica, and her body. Prudes don’t breastfeed. Hear that Kathryn and Kim? Sexy women can feed their babies.

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Posted in Breast Feeding, Gender, Sexuality | 12 Comments »

Nursing Mothers Make Women Randy (It’s true!)

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

images-2When I was giving birth to my first child, at a very pro-breastfeeding hospital, the labor nurse assigned to my moans told me that she had been through labor seven times. She had actually been pregnant ten times, counting the miscarriages. I was astounded by this woman’s stamina in this day and age, and dismissed her life choice as a hazard of being “in the business.” I mean, I also have a friend who creates packaging for cosmetic companies, and as a result, her bathroom is brimming with baskets of products. No different from this woman’s baskets of babies, I thought. Until I ran across this fascinating headline:

SMELLS ASSOCIATED WITH BREASTFEEDING ARE A NATURAL APHRODISIAC, HEIGHTENING AROUSAL IN OTHER WOMEN

I immediately clicked through to read more about this interesting study. I had worried it was a hoax put out by new fathers trying to get their guy friends laid. But it was for real. Martha McClintock and her team of psychologists at The University of Chicago did a double blind study, where pads soaked in sweat and breast milk were wiped on the upper lips of a study group every day (including after washing or eating) for three months. A control group unknowingly used a dummy wipe. And guess what? Those who had the real-deal, sweat-soaked pads found that their desire for their partner had risen by 42 percent. Single women in the study reported an increase in sexual day dreams.

The researchers hope this groundbreaking data will help them develop treatments for a low sex drive in women. Unlike men, whose sexual dysfunction is most often impotence that can be treated withViagra, women’s sexual dysfunction is more often related to low desire. And this has been very, very difficult to treat.

Pheromones are the key ingredient, according to this study. They are defined as natural compounds produced by one member of a social group that can regulate neuroendocrine mechanisms underlying behavior, fertility, or development in ANOTHER group. In plain speak, that means that people’s subtle or strong smells can change behavior in other people.

Let’s think about why the sexy smells of breastfeeding moms might have been anthropologically selected for in our evolution. First, in a peer group of young women, these pheromones would have signaled to their own bodies that it was time to reproduce, and that they were in an environment where food was plentiful. And human infants have always survived better when caregiving is shared, so having babies with friends was historically a good survival strategy. The modern-day version of this is the evolution of mommy and me baby groups.

It all makes sense to me — and what a fun bonus to a modern woman who uses birth control. So, have I ever mentioned that I give talks on mother-infant attachment and would LOVE to come to your breastfeeding support group? Just saying.

Read more: http://www.momlogic.com/2009/10/want_to_raise_your_libido_hang_out_with_a_breast-feeder.php#ixzz0TxPfZZRG

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How to Be a Breastfeeding Father

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

father-breastfeedingLet me start by saying that if you are a woman and you’re reading this — likely true — I need you to do something. Stop reading this now. This is a message to men, and the boys club is a closed room. This post is not for female eyes. This is a private appointment between a man and his doctor. Okay, ya gone, ladies? Good.

Dudes. I’m about to break the girl code and tell you some things that are only whispered in Mom circles. If your wife or girlfriend or baby mama is pregnant, you need to know this. If all three are pregnant you really need to know this. Seriously. Listen up guys, this may be your only chance to get the scoop on the dark and confusing playing field of nocturnal nursing and sunlight suckling that you are about to enter. It’s a crazy world that you surely didn’t sign up for. But you’re here. So, man up.

Now, we all understand the primary job of your babaloos, I mean, that is, your wife’s babaloos. Yes, God put those fabulous twins on earth entirely for your pleasure. Period. But God also gave them a stint of hard labor as punishment for all the naughtiness they have performed. It’s called breast feeding. And during this time of hard labor, you will be the holder of the keys — the jail guard if you will. You are about to oversee the work camp of a breast feeding mother. And, lemme tell ya guys, this gig is not for the faint of heart.

Let’s start with the answer to “why” you would ever consider taking on such a job. Here’s the main reason: When those bombs reach their glory producing and storing human milk in such seductive containers, well, let’s just say the beauty of it all can bring a grown man to stinging tears. Oh there are a couple other reasons why you might want to encourage her to enlist in breast feeding boot camp. Like seven separate psychological studies that link breast feeding with IQ points. In your kid. Not the Mom. She’ll get smart again after she weans. Besides having a fighting chance at being on a path to an Ivy League school, your  breast fed kid will also be drinking the most perfect human protein. Body builders and pro athletes would covet the stuff. Yep, I’m talking about the ultimate muscle building food not seen since Poppies’ can of spinach. If only it were bottled. Wait. It is bottled. By those glories twin orbs that will be bursting with life in your bedroom.

Too bad you don’t get to touch them. At least, not at the beginning. At the beginning, you have to have the stamina of an NFL coach. That lady will be in pain as she trains for the Superbowl of her life. And, you’ve got to keep her from quitting. Yes, it’ll hurt some when she nurses in the first couple weeks. Remind her that Dick Butkus and Jack Lambert might have felt some pain too. But they made some hard hits and scored some points out there.

Have you ever sat in a pediatrician’s office, dude? I mean really sat in that petri dish of a waiting room where snot reigns supreme and the Muzak is obliterated by the screams of infected infants? Eye infections. Allergies. Green vomit. It’s all there, man. Well, you won’t be there much. Your kid will have the immune boosting benefit of white blood cells that get manufactured on demand, on site, at the first sign of your baby’s sniffle. The technology is right there in your girl’s cantaloupes. For real. Who knew?

But here’s the catch. If your babe is going to make your baby a candidate for Harvard and the NBA, while keeping you from catching the swine in a waiting room, there’s a pay back. You’ve gotta be cool for a bit. Maybe even keep it in your pants. Or, at least keep it in the shower. Breast feeding boot camp often — though not always — lowers estrogen levels enough to impact a woman’s sex drive. Oh, and there’s one other problem. That dudette is so damn drained that when you get home from work, she’ll most likely want to hand you a stinky bundle and take a long nap. It’s all part of the game. You’re on the team and she’s just handed you the ball. Run with it. And pray she stocked the freezer will plenty of pumped supplies. How long will she behave like a sexual anorexic? Well, as long as it takes. And if the going gets really rough, buy her a steak, some new shoes, and remind her about the corkscrew motion.

Remind her politely. Because breast feeding mamas may have the cha-chas of La Madonna, but they also have the heart of a mother bear. Tread carefully, brother. This is a woman wired to protect her little miracle above all. This is not the time to argue over the bills, the laundry, or the room service. She’s focussed on winning the game. She needs a trainer, a coach, a team physical therapist, and a paycheck.

So, what’s in it for you? You’ve given back rubs, cooked too many dinners, and may even have gone so far as to change a toxic diaper. Why? Too many things to name, dude. Let’s start with the kindergarten holiday concert. The first pee-wee soccer game when your “team” wins. The giant hug you get from such tiny arms. And, most of all, the screams of glee that you get when you walk in the door. You are Superman if you can support your gal enough to take you to this place of wonder, and you’ll be on the long haul toward marital bliss. As for those milk bombs?  Don’t stress, dude. They will be back in your possession before you know it. Back off junior. There’s a new sheriff in town. Daddy owns the boobs again.

Author’s note: This piece of humorous truth was written in response to a disturbing statistic: The number one factor in a woman’s decision to nurse her child, is her partner’s attitude.


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Women Who Orgasm While Breast Feeding

Friday, September 4th, 2009

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was hosting a show for TLC called “How’d They Do That?” And everyday my mind was asking the same question about pregnancy and breast feeding. All my female co-workers became a petri-dish for me as I probed their minds for information about what the heck was going on with my body.

I was most nervous about successfully breast feeding. Frankly, I had no idea how the two orbs with nerve endings directly connected so some pleasurable southern region, could be converted into a cafeteria. One morning, as I sat in the make-up chair with my middle bursting with new life, I posed a seemingly crazy question. Could a woman have an orgasm while breast feeding?

There was a pause. There was a sly smile from the make-up artist. The hairdresser hooted and hollered. Others just laughed their asses off. But I didn’t take my eyes off the make-up artist.

Later, when we were alone, I asked her again. She smiled again. “It’s more of a sensuous experience,” she said, “not a sexual one. It feels warm and cuddly and pleasurable, but it’s different from sex. If you had an orgasm, it wouldn’t be on purpose.”

Years later, I thought of this conversation. I was in one of my human sexuality classes in my Psychology Ph.D program, and we were learning that the nerve endings in our body can respond to physical stimulation even if our brain is not on board. In this case we were talking about rape, and the confusing feelings that can happen to victims of rape because during this horrific crime they sometimes experience a spontaneous orgasm. What an awful thought.

When my first daughter was finally born (pried out after 42 weeks in the oven,) breast feeding was anything but pleasurable. I like to call the newborn phase of breast feeding, the Vampire weeks, as that tiny, violent, sucking machine increases milk supply. But after a few months, my make-up artist was right. Totally pleasurable. But a far cry from sexual arousal.

As I continued to nurse, I read far and deep into the benefits of breast feeding for mother and child. One thing I learned is that prolonged breast feeding can help reduce your chances of getting breast cancer because it stops your periods and the monthly assault of estrogens on your breasts. That was enough for me, since my mother had died of breast cancer. I continued on. I also learned that often babies suckle for comfort rather than hunger and there are psychological benefits to this suckling. That sounded good too.

You saw the title of this article, so you know where I’m going here. I never, ever, mentally connected a breast feeding experience with a sexual experience. The mental boundary was so great, that I was convinced it was impossible. Then one night, while I was sleeping with my baby in my bed, I had one of those fabulous dreams that if a guy had it, it would have involved moisture. You’ve heard about them. I woke up from the dream to find that my tiny vampire had been doing some nocturnal suckling while I slept. Let me tell you, the experience totally freaked me out. And that was it. Co-sleeping bed beside me after that. I needed that bundle an arms length away.

Later, in another human sexuality class, I asked my professor about this experience. She confirmed that it is possible and probably quite common, although people have feelings of shame about it. Pleasurable breast feeding was probably one of nature’s ways to make a survival behavior attractive. She also told me that many women quit breast feeding for this reason. For some woman the feelings of an infant suckling can be so pleasurable that women feel that it is somehow wrong. That made me feel sad too. Breastfeeding is not pedophilia. Nature brought mommies and babies together for one of the most physically pleasurable relationships on earth. Let them suckle and do enjoy it ladies. It is such a short period in both your lives. And if your body responds without your consent, relax. Just buy a co-sleeper, side rider bed.

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