Category Archives: Uncategorized

Love For Sale – Buyer Beware When it Comes to Online Dating

Man looking shocked at computerIt may sound seriously unromantic to think of your heart as a targeted consumer, but the advent of love as commerce is upon us. From legitimate online dating sites and apps that promise to help you find the perfect match, to professional wingman services that will create your profile or even pose as you online until they collect the coveted phone number?and finally, to the dark world of online dating scams. Rest assured, the commercial choices don’t end once you are coupled up. Hit a bumpy patch in your relationship, or feeling nutty during a divorce, and relationship coaches, marriage counselors and even conscious uncouplers stand at the ready online to serve you. Not to worry if your relationship breaks up anyway, there is an army of free wisdom at DatingAdvice.com.

 

The business of love is an answer to a growing market of single people emerging across the lifespan. Simply put, we are outliving our relationships. When til death do us part was invented, death was pretty imminent. Increasing life spans mean that even the most monogamous may find themselves living through two or even three long-term relationships with stints of single and dating in between. Add to that, the fact that prosperity means women and men need marriage less for economic reasons, and being children of divorce, are wary of bad partner choices. Thus, there are more unmarried adults in America than ever before. And trust me, most are busy dating, and too many become victim to online dating scams falling for fake profiles and false words designed to get your heart strings to send money. Like any service industry, the relationship industry has its pro and cons and even a few buyer beware warnings.

 

Undoubtedly the biggest advantage to online dating is that it instantly ushers mates into a huge pool of romantic opportunity that might not be found nearby. It also helps people narrow down the field by allowing strategic searches. Want a woman who loves to fish Bass? Maybe shes on PlentyofFish.com? Want a guy to sit in a pew with you? Hell likely be on ChristianMingle.com. Looking for a kick-ass retirement relationship? Look no further than OurTime.com.

 

But the biggest pro, is also the biggest con. Individuals are still at the controls of their love lives. Online dating gives the illusion that its more scientific and accurate than relying on Cupids bow, but in fact technology has created a paradox of choice. The more choices people are presented with, the more difficult it becomes to make a choice and stick with it. I mean, who eats one entre at a Las Vegas buffet?

 

The answer to all this, is to beat the market for your heart but getting your brain involved. Relationships are much more about skill than luck anyway. How do you acquire better relationship skills, the kind that will find you real love and help you avoid online dating scams? Well, besides expensive therapy, there are a couple absolutely free ways to learn the complicated mating game. You can log onto DatingAdvice.com. The totally free site features daily articles from experts, including dating coaches and matchmakers, as well as Q&A sessions, research studies, and a lively forum. Online, DatingAdvice.com is the authority on all things dating.

 

You can also listen to my radio talk show every Sunday’s from 4-6 pm Pacific time on KFI AM640 Los Angeles. If you are outside of Los Angeles, download the iHeartRadio app to listen from anywhere!

 

 

By the Numbers: The Business of Love

Annual revenue from online Dating Industry: $1,249,000,000.00

Annual revenue from personal matchmaking services $500,000,000.00

Average spent by dating site customer per year $239

Total number of people in the U.S. who have tried online dating 41,250,000

Percent of users who leave dating sites within the first 3 months 10 %

Total annual revenue from professional coaching worldwide is now nearly $2 Billion

 

Boyfriend Test 2nd ed. Coming in Time for Valentine’s Day!

Boyfriend Test
The Boyfriend Test 2nd edition

One of the most crucial relationship strategies is recognizing?early on that someone is not compatible and simply moving on. Putting a date to The Boyfriend Test is step one in the race for a mate. Because every girl knows, bonding with a low-performace boyfriend is a painful lesson. Sadly, about one-third of American woman suffered some kind of abuse in their childhood. Usually that abuse came by the hand of someone they love. So, for many woman love is entertained with pain and they have poor radar when it comes to reading the signs that a guy isn’t good for them.

That’s why I wrote The Boyfriend Test and why it has endured. Coming in time for Valentine’s Day, a fully revised edition of my best selling book!

THE BOYFRIEND TEST IS TOTALLY UPDATED!

Here’s the back cover copy: Girlfriends, are you tired of fretting over the latest lothario who decided he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship — about 24 hours after you changed your Facebook status? Sick of deleting texts from that dream guy you met on Tinder who turned out to be another F-boy? Well, here’s the perfect cure for your many broken hearts — an ounce of prevention in?The Boyfriend Test.? Americas Relationship Expert and television personality, Dr. Wendy Walsh (a dating doyenne who has kissed her fair share of frogs) shows you how to look at yourself, your boyfriend candidates, and couplehood–and put them all to the test.?The Boyfriend Test?helps you evaluate everything from his first-date behavior, his consistency over five dates and a 90-Day probation period. In this fully revised, second edition of her best selling book, Dr. Wendy digs deeper into the nuances involved in tech dating and the influences of attachment style on early dating behaviors. Funny and wise,?The Boyfriend Test?is a must-read for any woman on the brink of starting a new romance, or on the brink of insanity from her current one!

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Screen Shot 2015-06-03 at 11.46.36 AMDr. Wendy Walsh is America’s thought leader on relationships. Her live radio show about relationships airs on the nations most listened to talk radio network KFI AM Los Angeles. A former Emmy nominated co-host of The Dr. Phil spinoff, The Doctors, she is also a regular commentator on CNN and Fox news.

Neil Strauss, Author of “The Game,” Finally Writes “The Truth”

y450-293If you’re a dude, you’ve probably heard of the book, THE GAME, Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick up Artists (2005). The non-fiction book follows author, Neil Strauss on a personal transformation from self-described, “average frustrated chump” to “pick up artist” to eventually reaching the top of the heap, “pick up guru.” It’s the age-old game where the average man, evolved to want sex more than the average woman, learns to extract sex from women using a few psychological tricks, all laid out neatly by the pros. Basically, it’s the boy bible. (If you happen to be a one-woman man looking?to meet and connect with just one woman, the advice can easily be adapted and you can win the girl.) The book shot to the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

Fast forward a decade and Strauss, the guru of genital poaching is entering sex addiction treatment because his girlfriend just walked out on him for cheating. Thus begins THE TRUTH, An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, the fascinating, brutally honest saga of one man’s search for answers about love and commitment. And, like a good journalist, Strauss finds the right way to love by first experiencing every wrong way — Paris sex clubs, hippy free-sex communes, his own harem, and even trying to negotiate making a baby without love or a relationship. Eventually he brings the reader to a serious study of his own mommy issues that were the route of his relationship woes in the first place. Only after healing himself can he track down the love of his life and begin the work of real intimacy. The book is my favorite kind of read: sexy chapters peppered with the science of relationships. Trust me, THE TRUTH, will set you free.

Listen to my interview with Neil Strauss here:

IMG_1697

Screen Shot 2015-06-03 at 11.46.36 AM

 

 

 

 

 

Want to learn the science of relationships that Neil Strauss learned? Take my online workshop, THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN MATING.

The Cheapest Way to Transform Relationships (And society)

Screen Shot 2015-11-05 at 3.52.59 PMCould you imagine if someone promised you a guaranteed 18% return on your money? I’ll bet you’d jump at such an impressive investment return, right? That’s what the lawmakers in Minnesota did after they read data by economist Arthur Rolnick Ph.D.. Turns out the best investment any legislator can make is in high grade early childcare and preschool. After crunching the numbers, free baby-care and pre-school paid an 18% return in savings from education, the judicial system, and health care. Yup. 18%.?This was only part of the data presented at a Think Tank I attended this week hosted by the Simms/Mann Institute.

But what does this have to do with relationships?

The other speakers at the Think Tank were esteemed neuroscientists and attachment researchers who backed up the financial argument for investment in babies and toddlers with startling news about brain development. According to the reams of research they presented, the foundational architecture of the brain is mostly formed by a child’s third birthday.?Disrupted early life bonding, abuse or neglect creates a break down in the brain’s receptors for oxytocin — the bonding hormone — making people who grow up unable to have secure attachments. They fail at relationships because they are missing some basic wiring.

But infants given consistent, empathetic care and emotional mirroring have a better capacity to regulate their own feelings, an increased ability to engage in intimate relationships, and are better able?to recover after relationship ruptures. In plain speak, a secure attachment in early life creates grown-up lovers who can contain themselves, become attracted to people who can love them back, and they fight fair and repair well. By the way, at this juncture, the researchers estimated that about half of us get this kind of early life care at home.

The rest grow up attempting to transform relationships. They ?spend money in therapy, or fighting chronic health conditions linked to stress, or commit crimes related to anger issues, poor impulse control or lack of empathy. And all that is not only bad for relationships, but very expensive for society.

According to Pat Levitt, Ph.D., the Simms/Mann Chair of Developmental Neurogenetics at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, “Investment in child development is the foundation for all prosperous communities. It is simply not cost effective to create plasticity through experiences later in life.”

Economist Rolnick backed up that sentiment, “A key ingredient in economic super powers is early child education. Kids in poverty show the biggest investment return. And the best predictor of successful outcomes for kids is a mother’s education.”

And, I’ll add to that: The best predictor of a healthy adult connection isn’t one’s access to Tinder or Match.com. It’s ?the care one received aged 0 -3.

TAKE DR. WALSH’S ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Picture Ad - 10 Secrets to Mindfulness Reationships

Florida: The State of Our Unions (Love Lab Live Miami)

Young couple on Miami Beach Riding bikes and having funThings aren’t so bad in Florida. People are becoming richer and, if you look at the numbers only one way, increasingly single.

The U.S. Census Bureau recently released 2014 statistics that show the average Florida household brought in nearly $47,500, the highest since before the great recession. This is a good news/bad news story for single women. Those much maligned “gold diggers” might do well in Florida to live out their naturally evolved instinct to gravitate toward men with resources (the better to feed hungry infants in our anthropological past.) But it’s bad news for high wage earning women, who tend to have higher divorce rates when they marry men with fewer resources.

These, and other sociological realities of human mating are woven into a new kind of show coming to Miami, headlined by America’s Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh (CNN, The Doctors, KFI Radio.) Love Lab LIVE Miami comes to Tantalize Miami in South Beach on October. 29th. And the show doesn’t stop with data. Live social experiments involving smell, vocal tone, and yes, touch, reveal the science and sometimes shocking reality of our animal mating strategies.

“Married couples are usually the most astounded by our show,” says Walsh, “Because they are the true survivors of the fittest in the increasing competition for mates. And one lucky couple can win our Long Lasting Love Test, that looks at age of marriage, length of courtship, even career choices, proving that the data is usually right.”

The news in Florida about marriage rates is a bit deceiving.?The Census figures show that, compared to a decade ago, ?fewer Floridians have tied the knot, having decreased from 54% in ?2005 to a mere 46% in 2014.?But that doesn’t mean?marriage is out of vogue. True that there are more single adults in American today that in any other period in history. But that may be because there are simply more of us and our ages are different.

Look at this chart to see that the decline in both marriages and divorces during the 1960’s through 1970’s. Simply put, those were the years baby boomers were busy growing up, not running to the alter. It makes perfect sense that during those years the per capita marriage rate declined. Rest assured, marriage rates went back up to pre World War II levels, after boomers grew up.

The fact that marriage is alive and well in Florida is evidenced by the success of Cupid Dates, a Miami based special events agency that creates dream dates for married couples. Cupid Dates is a promotional sponsor of Love Lab Live.