Recently at a live event, I was asked for my best advice for singles. While some of the other panelists who were dating coaches and match-makers, offered wisdom about online dating, profile photos and pick up lines, I took a more philosophical approach. My best advice for singles is this:
Go out and create a happy, meaningful life for yourself. When a single person has reached a stage in their individual growth where they have built a purposeful, connected life with multiple secure attachments to friends and extended family, they have suddenly become an attractive mate. Longing for someone else to make you feel complete isn’t sexy. But having an authentic relationship with the world, with your community, with your family, and doing the exchange of care that is part of a good romantic relationship is the way to practice being a great mate.
Here are some ways to practice being a great mate:
• Drive close friends to the airport
• Help a single mother with anything from babysitting to home repairs
• Play Scrabble with an elderly person
• Call your mother
• If you call her too much, stop calling your mother
• Cook for friends
• Do some charity work
• Socialize with married people and families (marriage is contagious)
• Join a club, book group, wine tasting, gardening
• Mentor or tutor a younger person
And that’s my best advice for singles.
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