Recently a woman wrote me to ask my opinion of the “empowering” lyrics of Taylor Swift’s new single BLANK SPACE. She hoped it indicated that women as sexual aggressors demonstrates some sort of positive advancement in the current high supply sexual economy (the one that’s hurting women.) I was intrigued.
So I read the lyrics carefully. I read them three times. Then I watched the music video and my heart sunk.
The only thing female empowering about Taylor Swift’s Blank Space is the economic superiority she holds over her playboy. Otherwise she’s losing the mating game. Big time.
Blank Space is the story of a roller coaster love affair with a player. And it says more about attachment style than anything else. The song and video chronicle the abrupt female switch from infatuation to hate that comes when someone with an anxious attachment style meets someone with an avoidant attachment style. In the video, Miss. Swift plays a gorgeous sex kitten living alone in an impossibly large English country manor. In drives her latest par amour, a young hot man whom she is smitten with and lyrically prophesizes “Look at that face. You look like my next mistake.” Then the two embark on a fantasy union — no courtship. Just cut to lust. But her stomach knows the truth as she repeats the chorus:
It’ll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
The end is predictable. She sees another woman’s text on his iPhone (did Apple sponsor the video?) and goes into a female rage of rampage and destruction, the likes of which many, many women have fantasized about. She even attacks his car with a golf club in a not so subtle reference to Tiger Woods infidelities. Finally, Taylor kicks him out of her castle, only to see him coming back for more and the roller coaster begins again.
But this is no story of female empowerment. This is how an anxious attachment style plays out in relationships. Those who are prone to fear and pre-occupation in love relationships idealize love. They are, sadly, usually attracted to people who can’t give love back. In an effort to “make him love me,” they move way too quickly toward intimacy as a way to fuse the attachment. But it is all one big fantasy. Before long, real life steps in, (partly because the anxious attachers are vigilantly looking for threats of abandonment, checking iPhones texts, smelling shirts, etc.) With poor ego strength and an inability to tolerate thoughts of rejection, next comes the emotional flip. The partner who was all loving becomes the partner who is all hating. At that point, she can’t even see the good in him. She can’t tolerate holding the duplicity of her man, that all humans are good and bad. We all have strengths and faults.
The saddest message in the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s Blank Space, is that low self esteem is inevitable with repeated toxic relationships. Our traumatized heroine actually believes she is insane. In actually, she is a victim of some early life attachment injuries and replicating them in her adult life.
Bottom line: attachment injuries can be healed. Read more about how to heal attachment disorders here.
DR. WENDY WALSH IS AVAILABLE FOR TELEPHONE RELATIONSHIP COACHING. TO SCHEDULE, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND COMPLETE THE BOX ON THE LEFT. SHE’LL PERSONALLY RESPOND.
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And, someone please tell that sweet angel Taylor Swift she should watch my video: WHY WE LOVE BAD BOYS: