Tag Archives: cheaters

FOR SINGLES: How to Spot a Cheater

cheater-quiz-mainIf only the cheaters and bad boys came with a warning label, so they’d be easy to spot before you laid your heart on the line. Some people who are prone to sexual infidelity do have an M.O., and here are some helpful tips to spot them.

First, look at their intentions when you first meet them. Research has shown that people who tend to be unfaithful are often emotionally avoidant. They dance around the tender topics like feelings most likely won’t open up about their family. One way an emotionally avoidant person operates is to extract sex and move on or they will carry on multiple relationships where they don’t have to get close to any one person.

While you’re out, be aware of your date’s social behavior. Studies have shown that a healthy sense of guilt can keep people monogamous. Faithfulness comes out of a sense of not wanting to betray their lover or hurt someone’s feelings. So if your date isn’t showing a lot of empathy or compassion to the people around, maybe even by being rude to a waiter, not tipping well or littering on the street chances are they don’t carry a lot of guilt. Instead, try to seek someone with strong moral values. They don’t have to attend church regularly, but if they were raised with any kind of religion they will know the Golden Rule. Remember that one? “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.” It means somewhere deep in their soul exists early life moral programming that can be helpful.

Here’s some research you might find fascinating, the higher a male’s IQ and education levels are, the less likely he is to cheat. Think about it, if we drive by a fast food restaurant and don’t stop it’s because we have made an intellectual decision not to put the fat and sugar in our body. The same goes for a man passing up a sexual opportunity. He is making an intellectual decision not to cheat, because he knows there will be consequences. A strong brain with good intellectual functioning can help him avoid his body’s temptations.

Here’s another fact that surprised me. Most would expect the alpha male, manly man, to be the one who wants to spread his seed, however, men with sexual anxiety issues are the ones to be wary of. These are the men who aren’t 100 percent confident in their sexual performance. These guys might think it’s their choice of partner, so they are more likely to see if it works better with someone else.

Final tip, pay attention to that paycheck! We are at a time when many women, particularly in the age range of 22-32, are making more money than their male peers. Research is showing that if a man makes significantly less money than his wife he is more likely to be unfaithful. Men love to self-identify by being the provider and when they can’t do so their self-esteem takes a hit. Sexual prowess becomes a way to help raise their self-esteem. On the other hand, if a man makes significantly more money than his wife he is more likely to have an affair because he might feel a form of entitlement. Couples do better in terms of fidelity, when they make around the same amount.

FOR SINGLES: The Cheaters High

The new drug of choice to get high…cheating? New research shows that positive feelings are an unexpected effect of cheating. Lead researcher, Nicole Ruedy, of the University of Washington, and her team found that many get a pleasurable pep in their step from performing unethical acts. Their study looked at 1,000 participants who claimed that being dishonest would make them feel guilty. However, when the participants were asked to perform tasks, such as math problems or spelling challenges, given the option to cheat without anyone knowing or being hurt, many of them felt happier when they peeked at the answers ahead of time. Of those who participated in the research, 68 percent of the group swindled the answers early and felt better than those who didn’t cheat. Ruedy commented that this research showed that some people don’t feel bad if they think no one is being hurt, and even get a boost when compared to completely honest people.

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How does this translate to relationships? If a partner does not perceive infidelity as harmful, should they step out on a relationship, they may not feel guilty and may even feel secretly pleased. Maryanne Fisher, of St. Mary’s University in Halifax, Canada recently published a study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology about male versus female remorse over unfaithful acts. She commented that guilt is led by personal inferences about the importance and consequences of certain acts. The results of her study showed that women felt worse about emotional cheating, and men felt more sorry about sexual infidelity. Therefore, if a partner can rationalize a certain type of cheating, physical or emotional, to themselves, they are less likely to feel remorse about their actions afterward. Among the reasons cited for these results, researchers felt that people are often unable to see the perspective of their partner and how their values are different. Men, for example, fear physical infidelity and women tend to fear emotional infidelity. Fisher’s research suggests that men and women project their own emotional experience on the other.

This boils down to empathy. A more empathetic partner has the ability to feel other people’s pain and understand the root of it. In understanding the harm of unethical actions, like infidelity, they are less likely to get a ‘cheaters high’. Instead, they will preemptively regret an unfaithful decision and avoid what would cause their loved one anguish.