Tag Archives: find a date

FOR SINGLES: Four Things To Say on a First Date

black-couple-on-a-dateIt’s hard enough to find a date, but let’s face it, first dates themselves can be tough. With two relative strangers attempting to play the person they wish they were, first dates can be artificial too. While some people believe the game is won by stringing a person along with a set of fantasy projections, only to reveal the truth after they’re too attached to bolt, I’m a pragmatist. I believe that stone cold honesty is the way to win someone’s heart. Communication skills can begin on the first date. But being honest doesn’t mean hurting yourself by spewing your tender entrails without any boundaries. It means knowing what to say and how to say it. Here are three phrases that should definitely be brought to the table on a first date.


1. The thing I’m most proud of is….

Strutting your stuff in an honest display of self-pride is a great way to market yourself to a prospective date. Clearly your date has already sized up the physical package, so it’s up to you to show your interior worth. Feeling proud of an accomplishment that is dear to your heart is a great way to begin to show your value system. Of course, it’s not a good idea to sound like a bragger or to compete with your date. But healthy self-pride is sexy. It’s all in the delivery.


2. Tell me about yourself….

This may sound like an awkward “job interview” style question, but I’m always amazed when I hear that two people spent an entire evening together and talked about movies, restaurants, gyms, celebrities, fashion and food — and never talked about themselves. The topic that everyone knows best is themselves and it can really take the nervous edge off an evening to become a curious journalist and ask plenty of questions about your date.


3. My relationship goal is…

The biggest problem with today’s dating market is that you have players and non-players in the same pool who have very different expectations about what a love life should look like.  Every year millions of dollars are plunked down on dating tables where two people are looking for two different things. These days, you can’t assume that she’s looking for a boyfriend just because she accepted a date. And you can’t assume he wants to someday get married just because all his brothers are married. I’m a big believer in showing your hand. This saves on misunderstandings, hurt feelings, broken hearts, and plenty of wasted money as one date become ten and only then does she reveal that she has no intention of ever getting married or having kids.


4. Someday, I hope to get to know you well enough to answer that question fully. That’s a perfectly honest, complimentary response to any prickly question that crops up in conversation. A first date is too early to become totally vulnerable with a stranger, but this sentence suggests that you a) like the person, b) have boundaries and c) are willing to disclose sensitive information in the future.

FOR SINGLES: Tinder: Material Used for Lighting A Fire

urlWant to meet a heterosexual human who is nearby, has some potentially fluke hot photos, and will promise to be full of tension and misunderstandings? Then Tinder is for you. Tinder is the hot new dating app for the twenty-something generation that is promoted as the “straight Grindr.” In case you don’t know, Grindr is the gay man’s app that uses GPS to essentially find someone close by to grind your Levi’s on. The idea of a “straight” app that does the same thing is certainly exciting, except for one thing: women use it too. Now if women thought and behaved like gay men, this app would be a giant hit. But instead of kindling relationships, Tinder is mostly starting bonfires that crash and burn.

Don’t get me wrong. While there are plenty of women out there who are looking for the odd hook-up, most don’t need GPS and an app to find a willing man. They simply need to dress provocatively and show up anywhere. If only women understood that there is very little power in seduction as the only requirement for most young men is that you run on estrogen and have a heartbeat.

But the frustration comes from the fact that most of the women on Tinder treat the app like a dating site and most of the men treat the app like a porn site. Yes, there are exceptions to this. Anecdotal stories have mysteriously cropped up on the web from people who know people who found love on Tinder. But those stories have degrees of separation that smell like urban legends. Bottom Line: Tinder is an app guaranteed to reduce speed dating to a microcosm of the gender wars: women want love and men want sex. Of course, men want love too. But most will take sex if it’s offered. And Tinder is one abundant buffet of offerings.