Tag Archives: find a relationship

FOR COUPLES: What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

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Black Couple SleepingAre you a spooner? An edge hugger? A toe toucher? New research shows that the sleeping position couples choose is directly related to their relationship satisfaction. The data on 1000 couples was collected at the Edinburgh Science Festival and the biggest finding was that the further a couple sleeps apart, the more unhappy their relationship.

As for slumber positions, the majority of couples reported sleeping on their backs with spooners running a close second. Next most common were back-to-back sleepers and only a mere 4% of couples sleep facing each other. But the most telling feature was how many inches apart they slept. Partners who have physical contact while they sleep reported the most positive feelings in their relationship, while those who slept thirty inches apart reported the least relationship satisfaction. Interesting to note that, other research shows that one in four American marriages sleep in separate beds.

It makes sense that uneasy alliances would be less likely to cuddle up after dark, but could a change in sleeping position actually improve a relationship? The answer depends on whether both partners want to change their relationship. If that is the case, it stands to reason that touch can be healing. The neurochemical effects of skin-to-skin contact in infants and children have been well documented. In fact the absence of touch can stunt the growth of babies. Touching and hugging can release oxytocin, the hormone associated with bonding in humans.

Even though sleeping is quiet time, sometimes couples can encounter a lot of commotion throughout the night, such as if one’s partner snorts like a trumpet, or rolls to the other side with the covers. Regardless of any problem while sleeping with one another, our bodies get emotional nutrition through touch. If a couple is sleeping separately because of snoring or a medical condition, it would serve their relationship well to schedule extensive cuddle time, maybe while watching television. Another option to think about is to start the night together and have one partner leave when the snoring gets bad.

My advice? First have a talk and then have a touch. Even those with menopause hot flashes might benefit from a little nocturnal toe touching.

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FOR SINGLES: Three good reasons to have casual sex tonight

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stockvault-plastic-letters---sex107912You might think that having sex just for sex’s sake is always a personal choice. But there are other factors that make us choose casual sex, and different outcomes of that experience vary depending on our gender. Biologically, casual sex is the great un-equalizer between men and women. Women notoriously face higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem when having recreational sex. However, men who have at least one hookup or more, experience lower depression rates and higher self-esteem.

Recent researchers have gone even further into finding why men and women choose to hook-up. Zhana Vrangalova, Ph. D from Cornell University surveyed 528 Cornell undergraduates at the start and end of their academic year, and gathered data on their mental and physical health, number of sex buddies, demographic factors, and motivations for having casual sex.

Her research found that when hook-ups are self-directed and reflect a person’s values, there was no correlation between engaging in casual sex and negative health consequences. In other words, when the decision to have sex was driven entirely by a person’s own desire, without outside forces influencing their decision, there were no negative consequences. However, when the reason for having sex was driven by outside influences, like pleasing a partner, researchers found that people faced higher depression rates and anxiety, lower self esteem, and even encountered more physical health problems compared to those who did not participate in casual sex.

It comes down to this question: Are you having sex because you want to, or because you are seeking rewards and avoiding punishment? The answer to that question could mean your physical and mental health. Here is a checklist to assess if you are having sex for the right reasons:

The right reasons to have casual sex:

– Wanting to have fun and enjoy the moment
– Feeling it is an experience needed to learn more about your sexuality
– Believing it is a crucial experience one must have in their life

The wrong reasons to have casual sex:

– Needing to please someone else
– Hoping that it could possibly lead to a long-term relationship
– Doing it to make a person feel better about themselves

When it comes to hooking up, trust yourself and be sure that you are making a self-directed decision. Never do it to please your partner, or because you think it’s what everyone else is doing. Lastly, take care of that sexy body, and use protection!

Want to know more about how Casual Sex is affecting today’s dating game?

Check out my video,  Is the Sexual Double Standard Gone?

How Your Attachment Style Makes You Leave or Stay

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Couple Back to back with problemsSome of the reasons couples stay together or break up may surprise you. While it’s easy to assume that most people stay in relationships because it feels good and there are plenty of rewards such as having a close connection, along with physical and emotional intimacy, new research shows that depending on your attachment style, you may stay or leave for different reasons.

Stephanie Spielmann, of the University of Toronto’s department of psychology was one of the first researchers to look at the effects of social threats and rewards in relation to love commitment. They studied three separate groups of couples totally nearly 2000 people of both genders from the United States and Canada. And what her team found is that attachment style has a lot to do with why people stay.

The big take away is that people who tend to have an avoidant attachment style (those who shy away from emotional closeness) perceive that their relationship gives them few rewards. On the other hand, those with higher levels of attachment anxiety (those who worry about love and crave intimacy) perceive that the loss of their relationship will be a terrifying thing. Also, when people think their relationship is rewarding, they tend to have higher levels of commitment, invest more in their love life, and report that their relationship is satisfying. The results were the same for both genders.

What does all this mean to us? Simply put, people who have anxiety about love, tend to stay in an unsatisfying relationship because they fear being single. They actually settle for less, because they fear losing their relationships is worse than staying in a bad place. And people who avoid emotional closeness tend to have higher commitment problems. Not surprisingly, people who have a secure attachment style, those with high self esteem who can give and receive care comfortably and feel that closeness is rewarding, tend to have higher commitment levels and ride out the bumps of relationship ruptures well.

If you suspect you are in an unhealthy relationship, it’s important to understand your attachment style and to examine your fears about being single. Feelings of loneliness are painful feelings for both genders but dating a hurtful person can have longterm effects on self-esteem. Knowing your real value on the mating market is key to maintaining confidence in your current relationship.

Watch my video:

WHY PEOPLE DATE OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE

Why People Date Out of Their League

FOR SINGLES: WHO LIES IN ONLINE DATING?

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Man looking shocked at computerIt’s common knowledge that, when selecting a mate men prefer youth and beauty and women prefer money and height. But did you know that pressure causes most people to outright lie on online dating sites. In fact, 81% of people lie.

And the most common lies? According to researcher, Catalina L. Toma of Michigan State University users mostly lie about their age and their height. In addition, Professor Toma, Jefferey T. Hancock, of Cornell University and Nicole B. Ellison at Michigan State University, interviewed people from New York City who were dating online. All three of the researchers recorded the dating users’ height, weight, and took pictures of their faces, and recorded their age by verifying by their driver’s license. From the information they gathered, they analyzed the group’s dating profiles.

Women were the pretty little liars when it comes to weight. They found women claimed to be, on average, 8.5 pounds thinner than their actual weight. But men lie about weight too, but tend to shave fewer pounds off. They averaged 2 pounds lighter. Not surprisingly, a greater portion of men fibbed about height than women. Most lying men added half an inch to their original height.

So how about age? Is it really true that women lie about age to appear younger and more fertile? Not so. The age factor, according to Toma, was one aspect that dating users of both genders were honest about.

The good news is that it is possible to tell if a person is lying on their dating profile. According to a study printed in the Journal of Communication, people who lie on their profiles tend to use fewer pronouns. In other words, they lie but don’t directly attribute it to “I” and “me.” As well, those who are not telling the truth on their profile have a tendency to use more negative words such as “not” or “never”. They write shorter descriptions about themselves and do not display pessimistic emotions like “sad” and “upset.”

In the online dating world, it is buyer beware. Understand that deception is a proven mating strategy. Accept that the lies exist and do the math for yourself. Add some weight to each woman and subtract some height from each man. That way, you won’t be disappointed when you meet for that first coffee.

WATCH MY VIDEO: FOUR TECH MISTAKES THAT SINGLE GIRLS MAKE

Four Tech Mistakes Single Girls Make

Cited Sources:
http://www.academia.edu/762681/The_truth_about_lying_in_online_dating_profiles