Tag Archives: First Date

FOR SINGLES: Who Gets Laid on a First Date?

For Men, For Singles, For Women, , , , , , ,

man-drinking-beer-picLet me start with a question, if 100 young men, aged 18-25, go out on a first date tonight, how many do you think will get laid? How many will have sex? How many do you actually think will get to hook up? Think about it. Im waiting, you thinking?

Usually when I give this talk to kids at colleges or my salon parties, where I talk about sex and relationships, Im surprised to hear people say numbers like 70 percent, 80 percent! What this shows is that your brain has been manipulated by the media myth of the hook up culture. The truth is this: one study showed that about 99 percent of college students believed that the typical college students hooks up (having sex without commitment) about twice a year. When in fact, this study showed that only 35 percent of students had only one hook up in the past year. So, how many men, aged 18-25, out of 100 are going to get laid on a first date? 20 percent. That means that 80 percent of the women out there are smart enough not to expose their eggs and their blood stream to a stranger, who they wouldnt even give the keys to their apartment to water their plants while they are out of town!

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Think about it. Sex on the first date is loaded with disaster. In fact, with sex within the first 30 days of meeting someone youve got about a 90 percent chance of breaking up within a year. But the real danger here is that the talk of the hook up culture, this mythology, is dangerous to women because it puts pressure on them to adopt a male model of sexuality. In other words, take any sex, all sex, at any costs. By the way, plenty of guys arent happy with that model either.

Did you know that 25 percent of college students are actually virgins? Yeah! And the third reason they site for abstaining is religion. Number one and two are I dont want a pregnancy or relationship to deter my plans for education and a career. Thats the truth! How many get laid on a first date? Well, young men, 2 out of 10. Those are the A gamers, players, who are out to extract sex from a woman and not necessarily build a healthy relationship.

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FOR SINGLES: Four Things To Say on a First Date

For Singles, , , , , ,

black-couple-on-a-dateIt’s hard enough to find a date, but let’s face it, first dates themselves can be tough. With two relative strangers attempting to play the person they wish they were, first dates can be artificial too. While some people believe the game is won by stringing a person along with a set of fantasy projections, only to reveal the truth after they’re too attached to bolt, I’m a pragmatist. I believe that stone cold honesty is the way to win someone’s heart. Communication skills can begin on the first date. But being honest doesn’t mean hurting yourself by spewing your tender entrails without any boundaries. It means knowing what to say and how to say it. Here are three phrases that should definitely be brought to the table on a first date.

 

1. The thing I’m most proud of is….

Strutting your stuff in an honest display of self-pride is a great way to market yourself to a prospective date. Clearly your date has already sized up the physical package, so it’s up to you to show your interior worth. Feeling proud of an accomplishment that is dear to your heart is a great way to begin to show your value system. Of course, it’s not a good idea to sound like a bragger or to compete with your date. But healthy self-pride is sexy. It’s all in the delivery.

 

2. Tell me about yourself….

This may sound like an awkward “job interview” style question, but I’m always amazed when I hear that two people spent an entire evening together and talked about movies, restaurants, gyms, celebrities, fashion and food — and never talked about themselves. The topic that everyone knows best is themselves and it can really take the nervous edge off an evening to become a curious journalist and ask plenty of questions about your date.

 

3. My relationship goal is…

The biggest problem with today’s dating market is that you have players and non-players in the same pool who have very different expectations about what a love life should look like.  Every year millions of dollars are plunked down on dating tables where two people are looking for two different things. These days, you can’t assume that she’s looking for a boyfriend just because she accepted a date. And you can’t assume he wants to someday get married just because all his brothers are married. I’m a big believer in showing your hand. This saves on misunderstandings, hurt feelings, broken hearts, and plenty of wasted money as one date become ten and only then does she reveal that she has no intention of ever getting married or having kids.

 

4. Someday, I hope to get to know you well enough to answer that question fully. That’s a perfectly honest, complimentary response to any prickly question that crops up in conversation. A first date is too early to become totally vulnerable with a stranger, but this sentence suggests that you a) like the person, b) have boundaries and c) are willing to disclose sensitive information in the future.

FOR SINGLES: Why Getting Lucky on a First Date Isn’t a Good Thing

Sex, , , , ,

3449295Reprinted from askmen.com

 

It’s a question on many men’s minds as they sit in a candlelit restaurant on a first date: Will I get laid tonight? Or will she make me wait?

Of course, plenty of men are thinking about more important issues, like whether their date might be good wife material, but suffice it to say, men like sex, so wondering about the probability of a post-dessert romp is natural.

Well, the news is good and bad. Mark Regnerus, associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying (Oxford, 2011), knows firsthand. His research project, which includes a wealth of survey data on sexuality, found that a whopping 20% of young American men have sex on a first date. Yup, that’s one in five. Continue reading FOR SINGLES: Why Getting Lucky on a First Date Isn’t a Good Thing →