Tag Archives: Gender

FOR COUPLES: Can Divorce Make You Crazy?

For Couples, For Men, For Women, , , , , , , , ,

ConflictNo doubt about it, divorce hurts. And news research shows that some people — particularly men ? actually get some real mental health problems following divorce. But not everyone.

A divorce can be an emotional obstacle for all parties involved, but new research shows that a divorce may not doom all to depression. Many cases of depression that occur post-divorce are attributed to the separation of a family or marriage that occurs. Past research by Augustine J. Kposowa, of the University of California, Riverside department of sociology, found that after a divorce, men are at a higher risk of suicide than women. The increased risk of suicide may be due to a lack of social interaction after divorce, or stress leading to mental health issues, such as depression. However, new research brings new light to the situation.

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Researchers from the University of Arizona published a study in the journal Clinical Psychological Science clarifying individuals who face depression, or mental health issues, before a divorce are more likely to struggle after the divorce. Lead investigator on the study, David Sbarra, Ph.D. commented on the correlations of post-divorce depression. He explained that the emotional distress of a divorce can make depression, or depressive symptoms, resurface for individuals who already struggled with this mental health disease, particularly at the clinical level. He also noted that divorce is not random, certain people are more inclined to be divorced, like individuals who are dealing with mental health issues.

In conducting their study, the researchers analyzed information from the national Midlife Development in the United States (MIDUS) study, a longitudinal study with data collected over multiple assessments. They compared participants who were separated or divorced to those who remained married. This allowed them to see attributes of people who would get divorced based on factors they identified earlier in the study. Investigators also found that 60 percent of adult participants who had a bout with depression before their divorce or separation had a post-divorce episode of depression. ?In contrast, only 10 percent of adults without a history of depression encountered an episode of depression after their divorce or separation. They did not demonstrate the same increased risk of depression.

The study concluded that divorce itself does not make people depressed, most people who suffer from depression prior to a divorce do not possess the same coping skills for these stressful situations, which may lead to a relapse. Divorce and separation are emotionally difficult, however, this research sends a powerful message that human beings are far more resilient than we might think.

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FOR WOMEN: Six Sexuality Facts That May Surprise MEN

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Couple having sex - woman on topThe study of women’s sexuality is relatively new in the grand scale of research history, but now science is finding statistics about women’s sexuality that make most women say, “Duh.” Here are a few recent studies that might surprise some men:

1. Women tend to become aroused by erotica involving men, men and women, and just women, indicating a bisexual arousal pattern. This doesn’t mean women all behave in a bisexual manner. It simply means they can be turned on by both thoughts or images of both genders. This is different from most straight men who only become aroused by heterosexual erotica, and gay men who mostly become aroused by homosexual material.

2. Women’s brains can separate mental arousal from genital arousal. For instance, even if she is not mentally stimulated, a woman’s body can have a physiological reaction to sex. (Thus the confusion of some rape victims who experience a spontaneous orgasm during the trauma.) And women can sometimes be mentally aroused and have trouble becoming wet and wild down below.

3. Body image is connected to sexuality for women. Women who feel more positively about their own genitals find it easier to orgasm and are more likely to engage in sexual health promoting behaviors, such as having regular gynecological exams or performing self-examinations.

4. For women, physicality grows out of emotionality. Emotional availability activates their physical sexuality. Women are more apt to show up physically and sexually when their partner is emotionally present, while men tend more to just show up.

5. Women fear emotional infidelity more than physical infidelity and men fear the opposite. In one study women preferred that their husband see a prostitute once per week rather than have platonic, though intimate, lunches with a co-worker. This points to the fact that women fear a diversion of resources that might come with an emotional connection.

6. Women have less ability to have a stand alone physical relationship because their body releases oxytocin during orgasm. Oxytocin, the female bonding hormone, is also released during breastfeeding. For that reason women sometimes become bonded through sex even when they don’t mean to.

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Five Sex Myths That Keep Women Single

FOR MEN: What She Won’t Do In Bed With Hot Guys

For Men, For Women, Sex, , , , , ,

Attracting-Hot-WomenIf you’re a regular single guy with a warm heart and an average face you probably know that sex with a woman is a joy, a pleasure, and maybe even part of a relationship that brings all kinds of emotional benefits. And if the relationship is new, or STD tests haven’t been done on both of you, I’m sure you’re using condoms. She insisted on it, right? Because she does that with every guy, right?

Wrong.

A new study in the Journal of Health Psychology called, The Role of Men’s Physical Attractiveness in Women’s Perceptions of Sexual Risk, showed a startling fact. Women are less likely to insist that a man put on a condom when he is especially attractive. Clearly, this is a dangerous practice, considering that the hotter a guy is, the more sexual opportunity he has, (read: potential to be exposed to more germs) and if most women who sleep with hot guys are also not insisting on condom use, then it doesn’t take a math genius to see that hot guys can be one big populated petri dish.

Here’s why this should matter to you. While it’s true that women have a much higher risk of contracting an STD, as they are the ones who accept the deposits, so to speak, most men don’t know that when they do contract an STD, it often has absolutely no symptoms at all. Without a condom, you can become the carrier to the whole female species. Take Chlamydia, for instance, one of the most common STD’s. Not a lick of a symptom in most men. Yet this pesky bacteria is the most common sexually transmitted disease and can cause infertility in women.

Light bulb going off yet? Fast forward a decade long after you and that hot girl blow up to the point where you debate putting some revenge porn online (By the way, that’s illegal now.) But now you’re happily nesting with a good woman, you’re got a secure financial life, a new house and the only thing left are little guys to throw a ball with. Imagine learning than that you accidentally gave your wife the STD that caused her to be infertile?

Just saying.

FOR COUPLES: Is Sex a Need or a Want?

For Couples, For Singles, , , , , , , ,

loving-couple-72I like to think women are the custodians of the social order, especially when it comes to sexuality. Some feminists think that all woman can adopt a male model of sexuality, but what many don’t know is that the “male model” of player is a really rare guy. Most men, like women want love, bonding, attachment, and great sex. Never-the-less, many women have joined hook up culture. They think, “Free sex, isn’t that great!” Unfortunately, it’s made some men really lazy, because they don’t even have to use traditional courtship anymore because apparently they can just pick up the phone at 10:30 p.m.

So whenever I tell women that if they withhold sex, (or delay the onset of the physical relationships) just a little bit, they will get a lot more work out of men. Men will be much nicer to them. Remember, the word “No” is the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac. But I do hear some women say, “Oh are you saying we have to put our sexual needs aside, so we can train the boys?!” To this I respond, recent studies show women are having trouble adapting to the hookup culture. Of course we are. Most women bond through sex because oxytocin, the female bonding hormone is excreted during orgasm. Women love to try to create relationships through sex. Of course, If you plan on dying at 30 years old, and childless you can have the hookup culture for about 10 years. But at the end of the day, women are left holding the bag — the diaper bag, that is. Sex is still a high-risk game for us. We accept deposits, and it could be something awful like a bad STD, or it could be something beautiful and wonderful like a baby. But that’s still 18 years of hard labor. Let me tell you, single motherhood is not for sissies!

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It got me thinking though, is sex really a need or a want? Can both genders control their sexuality? I think both genders can. It may be a little harder for men, but I know they are able to because I have seen them do it. Now what is a need? Hmm, need for survival? Well, water, air, food, companionship (they put the really bad ones in solitary confinement so it must be painful) and sex once! Just one homerun to procreate, that’s all we need. The rest of the time, it’s like a trip to Nieman Marcus, it’s a luxury. Don’t believe me? Just ask any military spouse with a partner serving abroad, priest, nun, prisoner or elderly widow. (Don’t count Betty White; I think she’s getting it.) My point is, we don’t need to have the amount of sex that the media is telling us we need to have. In fact, it can hurt women. It can be a dangerous activity for women to pretend they are boys. And boys become men when they have to work for sex, trust me. So why can’t we hold it in a bit? Come on women! Why can’t we be the custodians of the social order?

FOR SINGLES: The Economy of Sex – Watch my Talk here!

For Men, For Singles, For Women, , , , , , , , , ,

economic-graph_1670122cIn art and poetry, the price of sex is love. But seen through the lens of anthropology, sociology, and psychology, the cost of sex varies. Today, in our high supply sexual economy, sex has “price tags” that range from the cost of a lengthy courtship to the barrel-bottom price of one well-worded text. While some women control the supply side, trading sex only for “expensive” love and commitment, many men and women have unknowingly been shuttled onto the sexual mass market. In the hook-up culture, men are encouraged to take-all-sex-at-any-cost, and women, constricted by the sexual double standard, are encouraged to be free while be astutely aware of their count. Yet, research shows only 3% of men are players, 25% of college students are virgins and young people are having less sex that the 1980’s! After Dr. Walsh’s riveting lecture you will never look at your social life the same way again. If your goal is care, commitment, and a healthy relationship where your genes will survive in evolutions’ chain, Dr. Walsh has the secrets to successful mating strategies for both genders. Click on the link below to watch her lecture that includes:

•  The real statistics on the hook up culture
•  The anthropological underpinnings of the sexual double standard
•  Five sexual myths that keep women single
•  How high supply sex creates men who fail to launch in business
•  The three tenants of the slow love movement