Tag Archives: Online Dating


Man looking shocked at computerIt’s common knowledge that, when selecting a mate men prefer youth and beauty and women prefer money and height. But did you know that pressure causes most people to outright lie on online dating sites. In fact, 81% of people lie.

And the most common lies? According to researcher, Catalina L. Toma of Michigan State University users mostly lie about their age and their height. In addition, Professor Toma, Jefferey T. Hancock, of Cornell University and Nicole B. Ellison at Michigan State University, interviewed people from New York City who were dating online. All three of the researchers recorded the dating users’ height, weight, and took pictures of their faces, and recorded their age by verifying by their driver’s license. From the information they gathered, they analyzed the group’s dating profiles.

Women were the pretty little liars when it comes to weight. They found women claimed to be, on average, 8.5 pounds thinner than their actual weight. But men lie about weight too, but tend to shave fewer pounds off. They averaged 2 pounds lighter. Not surprisingly, a greater portion of men fibbed about height than women. Most lying men added half an inch to their original height.

So how about age? Is it really true that women lie about age to appear younger and more fertile? Not so. The age factor, according to Toma, was one aspect that dating users of both genders were honest about.

The good news is that it is possible to tell if a person is lying on their dating profile. According to a study printed in the Journal of Communication, people who lie on their profiles tend to use fewer pronouns. In other words, they lie but don’t directly attribute it to “I” and “me.” As well, those who are not telling the truth on their profile have a tendency to use more negative words such as “not” or “never”. They write shorter descriptions about themselves and do not display pessimistic emotions like “sad” and “upset.”

In the online dating world, it is buyer beware. Understand that deception is a proven mating strategy. Accept that the lies exist and do the math for yourself. Add some weight to each woman and subtract some height from each man. That way, you won’t be disappointed when you meet for that first coffee.


Four Tech Mistakes Single Girls Make

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First Date a 21 Day Trip With No Change of Clothes?

daily-mail-2-600x535I’ve heard of impulsive, but nothing beats this story of a couple from Austin, Texas who met online and decided to immediately embark on a 21 day trip through eight European countries. Clara Benson and Jeff Wilson seem to still be together — now doing media about the tour — and planning their next excursion to South American.

But what made it work? Some people might think the pair are off their rockers, but others think such a trial by fire might be just the thing to test a new relationship. Let’s break things down looking at the psychological science behind this relationship “success story:”

1. They Are Both Risk Takers – This crazy idea could never have worked if one person lived their life in fear. Both these two have the compatible personality trait that they tend to throw caution to the wind.

2. They Are Not Afraid of Intimacy – It was Jeff’s idea to travel with only the clothes on their backs, cell phones, money, credit cards and passports. The idea was that they could purchase daily necessities along the way. But the two sailed into forced intimacy in Bosnia when Clara got her period and sent Jeff on a search for feminine products. Talk about instant intimacy with the squeamish stuff. Clearly, Jeff has a high shame tolerance too and no bodily function aversion, so that was a big help.

3. They Are Both Commitment Oriented – Research is pretty clear that the quality that helps couples ride out the bumpy patches is an intellectual commitment to the bond. While theses two didn’t make the enormous commitment of, say, couples entering an arranged marriage, they did both stick out their 21 day plan along with the idea of roughing it. And, with neither party bailing early, it probably helped bond them.

While this style of first date certainly isn’t for everyone, it might have added a  charge of adrenaline that was missing in their online dating experience. Today, with a plethora of romantic opportunity a mere mouse click away, doing something extreme may have helped these two feel that their relationship was special. Of course, it remains to be seen if the heightened excitement of their new exotic relationship can survive the more mundane stretches of life that may be ahead of them. Will a relationship based on novel experiences stay together when the two merely hold down jobs, raise children, and pay a mortgage? That will be a test of their true intellectual commitment.

P.S. All the photos of their trip show the two 4-10 feet from each other. Hummm…. I’m not a body language expert, but what does this say?



FOR SINGLES: Surprising Thing About Online Inter-Racial Flirting

9638835-smiling-man-websurfing-on-laptop-computer-at-homeOnline dating sites tend to follow the same social organization as real world dating behaviors, that is, most people tend to self-segregate. Single people looking for a mate tend to approach people online who are of the same ethnicity as themselves. But when the exception happens, an interesting phenomenon evolves.

A new landmark study of online dating behaviors by Sociology professor Kevin Lewis on UC, San Diego, illustrates a fascinating pattern of human behavior when it relates to interracial dating. When a single person who has only sent messages to people of the same race receives an inquiry from someone of a different race, it causes them to suddenly expand their mate criteria and begin sending messages to people outside their race. The research looked at more than 125-thousand users of the online dating site, OkCupid and specifically looked at who sent overtures to whom.

The racial groups that to tend to self-segregate the mast, are Asians and Indians. Whites tend to be the group most likely to reach across color lines in the name of love. But even when people of Asian or Indian descent receive an inquiry by someone from another race, they are just as likely to respond and then begin sending messages to others outside their race.

The study’s authors speculate that the cause of this sudden pattern on non-racist behavior is caused by the idea that people click on the profiles of those whom they think they have the greatest chance of getting a positive response from. And, that tends to be people from their own cultural background. But when they happen to receive a flirt from someone outside their race, it causes people to expand their territory of romantic possibility. There’s only one bit of bad news here. The phenomenon only lasts for about a week. Once they start getting rejected by a few people outside their race, they go back to their old ways of messenging “safer” prospects.