Tag Archives: psychology of love

FOR SINGLES: Three good reasons to have casual sex tonight

stockvault-plastic-letters---sex107912You might think that having sex just for sex’s sake is always a personal choice. But there are other factors that make us choose casual sex, and different outcomes of that experience vary depending on our gender. Biologically, casual sex is the great un-equalizer between men and women. Women notoriously face higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem when having recreational sex. However, men who have at least one hookup or more, experience lower depression rates and higher self-esteem.

Recent researchers have gone even further into finding why men and women choose to hook-up. Zhana Vrangalova, Ph. D from Cornell University surveyed 528 Cornell undergraduates at the start and end of their academic year, and gathered data on their mental and physical health, number of sex buddies, demographic factors, and motivations for having casual sex.

Her research found that when hook-ups are self-directed and reflect a person’s values, there was no correlation between engaging in casual sex and negative health consequences. In other words, when the decision to have sex was driven entirely by a person’s own desire, without outside forces influencing their decision, there were no negative consequences. However, when the reason for having sex was driven by outside influences, like pleasing a partner, researchers found that people faced higher depression rates and anxiety, lower self esteem, and even encountered more physical health problems compared to those who did not participate in casual sex.

It comes down to this question: Are you having sex because you want to, or because you are seeking rewards and avoiding punishment? The answer to that question could mean your physical and mental health. Here is a checklist to assess if you are having sex for the right reasons:

The right reasons to have casual sex:

– Wanting to have fun and enjoy the moment
– Feeling it is an experience needed to learn more about your sexuality
– Believing it is a crucial experience one must have in their life

The wrong reasons to have casual sex:

– Needing to please someone else
– Hoping that it could possibly lead to a long-term relationship
– Doing it to make a person feel better about themselves

When it comes to hooking up, trust yourself and be sure that you are making a self-directed decision. Never do it to please your partner, or because you think it’s what everyone else is doing. Lastly, take care of that sexy body, and use protection!

Want to know more about how Casual Sex is affecting today’s dating game?

Check out my video,  Is the Sexual Double Standard Gone?

For Men: First Date Strategies

Man getting ready for a date or weddingLet’s face it, first dates can feel downright awkward. Two people, pretending to be who they wish they were, while they keep their real motives hidden. Is she looking for a boyfriend or a fling? Is he thinking she could be wife material or a fun-time girl?

While traditional dating wisdom says that women decide within 30 seconds if they are physically attracted to a man, a study done by the University of Texas demonstrates that it takes twenty minutes for men to decide if they want to have a second date or not. The study also found that the more attractive a female date is, the more likely a man inclined to take her out again. (They needed a study to decide that?) And, the thing that keeps men strong and brave, even if they aren’t sure that she’s swooning, is the fact that men tend to over estimate how attracted a woman is. This crazy male trait can also set men up for a serious let down.

Here are three tips to help you men have a successful first date:

  1. Calm your nervous system. First dates can be wrought with anxiety. One way to ease that anxiety and calm down to act more relaxed and natural, is to boost your dopamine levels. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that is released by nerve cells to send signals to other nerve cells that control motor skills, motivation, arousal and thinking. A study published by Current Biology,  found some foods, such as apples, bananas, and avocados, can increase dopamine levels. For your main entrée try ordering a plate of chicken, turkey or cheese. Food and drinks that will disrupt your dopamine are sugar, alcohol, and caffeine.
  2. Be What Women Love – While men put youth and beauty at the top of the list when choosing a mate, women put looks way farther down. Studies from around the world, show that women look for resources (Sigh. Income), intelligence, and kindness before they rate a man on looks. And the best way men can display intelligence is through humor. Kindness can we displayed  by treating everyone around you with respect, from the wait staff to the valet parker.
  3. Be Cool, Dude. That old deodorant ad tag line, “Never let them see you sweat” applies to first dates. Both genders what to feel like they are winning a prize. If you act too eager and energetic, she’ll devalue you. Instead, be kind. Be cool. And never ask her out for a second date until at least three days after the first day. Make he wonder if you like her. That’s how to play an “A” game.

And, if your date goes well and you hope it may lead to sex, arm yourself with knowledge about the differences between men and women’s sexuality. Watch my video here: