Tag Archives: unfaithful

FOR WOMEN: Is Your Spouse Being Financially Unfaithful?

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Man taking euros banknotes with stealthy expression.Does your spouse keep a separate safe deposit box? Do the family’s financial statements get mailed to an office address, not the home? Is he or she an ATM junkie? If so, there’s a chance your spouse could be stepping out on you with the family money. And this behavior is far more common with men than women.

It’s one thing to fear that your husband might stray with his heart and/or his body, but what most women don’t realize is that the risk of financial infidelity is far more dangerous and could lead to longer term consequences for women and their children.

“Most divorces are not impulsive decisions. One party or another checks out emotionally three to five years before they file for divorce,” says, Stacey Napp the CEO of Balance Point Funding, an investment firm that invests in women who have become financially disabled during a divorce proceeding. “Long before a man leaves, he begins to squirrel away assets so that he’ll hold the power in divorce court.” The behavior is more common with affluent husbands because, as a family’s net worth rises, couples tend to move into traditional gender roles, with the woman working less and handling more child rearing and household management chores. And if divorce happens these women are left unprotected. Since it is illegal in most states for a family attorney to work on a contingency (taking a percentage of the final settlement) the exit game becomes one where divorcing husbands strive to leave their wives with no assets to hire a good divorce lawyer — who may demand as much as $20,000 on the first visit.

“Divorce isn’t pretty, but it doesn’t have to be dirty,” says Napp, who founded her company after her own divorce and the financial infidelity she experienced that nearly cost her her entire lifestyle. According to Stacey Napp, there are six red flags that women should be on the alert for:

Is he being financially unfaithful?

1)      Your bank, brokerage or financial statements are sent to his office, and not to your  house
2)      You’re not the beneficiary of his life insurance policy
3)      Like clock work, the same amount of money is  being withdrawn from your joint account every month
4)      He has a separate safe deposit box
5)      Significant repeated cash withdrawals on your joint credit cards
6)      Does your husband own his own business and have his family as employees and/or partners in that business?  That alone isn’t a red flag, but if any of the above are also present- watch out!

So, if you do suspect trouble, is there anything you can do to stop the leakage? Yes, according to Napp, you have to act like your own forensic accountant and gather intelligence before he hides evidence from a real court. That may mean photocopying every document he ever brings home — including his entire wallet and briefcase. Since people stay in contact with their money, photocopy cell phone records, check frequent flyer miles, even the home telephone bill. Ever the financial sleuth, Napp says that calling fast food delivery restaurants in areas where phone calls have been made, can reveal what address goes with what number. And always, wives should request a once yearly free credit report from all three credit reporting bureaus. This report can contain information regarding financial institutions that he may have established relationships with that you were unaware of. It would also show any aliases and/or alternate social security numbers being used by your spouse.

With the enormous emotional pain that women experience during divorce, financial unfaithfulness adds another layer of injury. Injury that can have tragic consequences for children who might be yanked from school after losing tuition and women who many lose their home and community support system. Stacey suggests that women who are full-time mothers are especially vulnerable to this kind of infidelity.

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FOR SINGLES: How to Spot a Cheater

For Couples, For Men, For Singles, For Women, Maintain a Relationship, , , , , , , , , , , ,

cheater-quiz-mainIf only the cheaters and bad boys came with a warning label, so they’d be easy to spot before you laid your heart on the line. Some people who are prone to sexual infidelity do have an M.O., and here are some helpful tips to spot them.

First, look at their intentions when you first meet them. Research has shown that people who tend to be unfaithful are often emotionally avoidant. They dance around the tender topics like feelings most likely won’t open up about their family. One way an emotionally avoidant person operates is to extract sex and move on or they will carry on multiple relationships where they don’t have to get close to any one person.

While you’re out, be aware of your date’s social behavior. Studies have shown that a healthy sense of guilt can keep people monogamous. Faithfulness comes out of a sense of not wanting to betray their lover or hurt someone’s feelings. So if your date isn’t showing a lot of empathy or compassion to the people around, maybe even by being rude to a waiter, not tipping well or littering on the street chances are they don’t carry a lot of guilt. Instead, try to seek someone with strong moral values. They don’t have to attend church regularly, but if they were raised with any kind of religion they will know the Golden Rule. Remember that one? “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.” It means somewhere deep in their soul exists early life moral programming that can be helpful.

Here’s some research you might find fascinating, the higher a male’s IQ and education levels are, the less likely he is to cheat. Think about it, if we drive by a fast food restaurant and don’t stop it’s because we have made an intellectual decision not to put the fat and sugar in our body. The same goes for a man passing up a sexual opportunity. He is making an intellectual decision not to cheat, because he knows there will be consequences. A strong brain with good intellectual functioning can help him avoid his body’s temptations.

Here’s another fact that surprised me. Most would expect the alpha male, manly man, to be the one who wants to spread his seed, however, men with sexual anxiety issues are the ones to be wary of. These are the men who aren’t 100 percent confident in their sexual performance. These guys might think it’s their choice of partner, so they are more likely to see if it works better with someone else.

Final tip, pay attention to that paycheck! We are at a time when many women, particularly in the age range of 22-32, are making more money than their male peers. Research is showing that if a man makes significantly less money than his wife he is more likely to be unfaithful. Men love to self-identify by being the provider and when they can’t do so their self-esteem takes a hit. Sexual prowess becomes a way to help raise their self-esteem. On the other hand, if a man makes significantly more money than his wife he is more likely to have an affair because he might feel a form of entitlement. Couples do better in terms of fidelity, when they make around the same amount.

FOR SINGLES: The Cheaters High

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The new drug of choice to get high…cheating? New research shows that positive feelings are an unexpected effect of cheating. Lead researcher, Nicole Ruedy, of the University of Washington, and her team found that many get a pleasurable pep in their step from performing unethical acts. Their study looked at 1,000 participants who claimed that being dishonest would make them feel guilty. However, when the participants were asked to perform tasks, such as math problems or spelling challenges, given the option to cheat without anyone knowing or being hurt, many of them felt happier when they peeked at the answers ahead of time. Of those who participated in the research, 68 percent of the group swindled the answers early and felt better than those who didn’t cheat. Ruedy commented that this research showed that some people don’t feel bad if they think no one is being hurt, and even get a boost when compared to completely honest people.

tech-cheaters-1

How does this translate to relationships? If a partner does not perceive infidelity as harmful, should they step out on a relationship, they may not feel guilty and may even feel secretly pleased. Maryanne Fisher, of St. Mary’s University in Halifax, Canada recently published a study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology about male versus female remorse over unfaithful acts. She commented that guilt is led by personal inferences about the importance and consequences of certain acts. The results of her study showed that women felt worse about emotional cheating, and men felt more sorry about sexual infidelity. Therefore, if a partner can rationalize a certain type of cheating, physical or emotional, to themselves, they are less likely to feel remorse about their actions afterward. Among the reasons cited for these results, researchers felt that people are often unable to see the perspective of their partner and how their values are different. Men, for example, fear physical infidelity and women tend to fear emotional infidelity. Fisher’s research suggests that men and women project their own emotional experience on the other.

This boils down to empathy. A more empathetic partner has the ability to feel other people’s pain and understand the root of it. In understanding the harm of unethical actions, like infidelity, they are less likely to get a ‘cheaters high’. Instead, they will preemptively regret an unfaithful decision and avoid what would cause their loved one anguish.

FOR WOMEN: Do Men Cheat on Successful Women?

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9ad30_226_dating_girl_flashToday the number of women in the workforce and among college campuses is soaring. There are now more women than men with bachelor’s degrees and women make up three-fifths of graduate students.

Breadwinners beware.

In 39 of the 50 top urban markets, women are making more than their male peers. And, in nearly half of American households, women are the breadwinners. But as women work their way up that career ladder and begin to out-earn their husbands or partners, cheating is on the rise.

According to new research, when a man is completely financially dependent on his female partner, he is five times more likely to cheat than men who contribute an equal amount to the partnership.

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